Bernadette: Why don't you help with the coffee?
Raj: Okay, but something smells fishy. And not just because you work around sea animals. That actually sounds interesting, and I'd like to learn more about it.

Josh: I can't believe my brother's an astronaut. That's amazing. What was it like?
Raj: Listen, dude, it's time for you to hit the road.
Howard: Hey, hey, the young man asked a good question.

Kevin Smith: Anyway, man, I dug the ape movie, Penny. And I thought you were, like, really great in it.
Penny: Aw.
Wil Wheaton: You know, I'm in the movie, too.
Kevin Smith: Yeah, whatever.

Kevin Smith: Oh, I'm hanging up now.
Wil Wheaton: Don't you listen to him, buddy. You're awesome. You're one of the greatest directors of our time.
Kevin Smith: I don't have a part for you, Wheaton.

Kevin Smith: Hey, man, yo, is everything okay, Wil? 'Cause it's been, like, two minutes and you haven't even brought up Stand By Me.

Leonard: Wil, I'm begging you. Please turn that off.
Wil Wheaton: Sure. *turns recording off* *turns recording on* And we're back.

Raj: You guys know the new discovery class missions that NASA's been working on?
Howard: Yeah.
Raj: Well, they're looking to include a message from Earth in case one of them is encountered by alien life.
Leonard: When I encountered alien life, I discovered that the key thing was not to sit in its spot.

Sheldon: Now, we can play this one of two ways. You can say, "Trains! Tell me more," or, you can just look at me like that and I'll start.

Bernadette: What's going on in here?
Howard: I am making molecular cocktails. This sphere is actually a cosmopolitan.
Bernadette: Oh. How do you drink it?
Howard: Just put it in your mouth and pop it like a zit.

Howard: You don't think I'm a leader?
Bernadette: I was kidding. Of course you are.
Howard: Right. I couldn't change if I wanted to.
Bernadette: You better not change, because I love who you are. Now, will you need help cleaning all this up when you're done or can you do it all by yourself?
Howard: All by myself.
Bernadette: There's my big boss man.

Leonard: That would be more helpful if E.T. were real.
Raj: Well, my feelings were real when he was about to die.
Leonard: My God, when he's on the table and they use the paddles on him.
Raj: And he's all white.
Leonard: They zip him up in that bag.
Raj: And Gertie can't stop crying.
Leonard: The flower dies.
Raj: Okay, let's talk about something else.

Leonard: So it sounds like we need a way to communicate that's simple.
Raj: And doesn't require outside machinery to be built to access it.
Leonard: It's also a problem because we don't even know if the aliens who find this can see. I mean, they might communicate in a totally different way than us.
Raj: Like when my dog is mad at me, she tells me by peeing in my slippers.

Leonard: That's actually a valid example. Animals do deliver messages through scent.
Raj: Bees talk to each other by dancing. Whales have their songs.
Leonard: Penny has about 20 different ways of rolling her eyes that each mean something different.

Leonard: Okay, since we agree on the delivery system for the message, maybe we should talk about what the message could be.
Raj: Well, I think we should show what earthlings look like.
Howard: The plaque they sent up on the Pioneer probe had a drawing of a naked man and woman on it.
Sheldon: Yeah, I never cared for that. It's advertising to predator races just how soft and squishy *squeezes Leonard* we are.
Leonard: Squeeze yourself!
Sheldon: Oh, don't be offended. You know, of the four of us, you have the most veal-like consistency.

Sheldon: Perhaps Howard meant passive-aggressive like asking our group to help on your project, and then only choosing Leonard.
Raj: Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but you do have strong personalities and always end up taking over.
Howard: It's not always.
Leonard: What about when we went to Comic-Con and dressed like Jabba the Hutt? You got to be Jabba's head, and I got to be his fat slug butt.
Sheldon: We looked great.
Leonard: You let a guy sit on me.
Howard: He was dressed as Princess Leia. It made a nice picture.