Bernadette: I wonder how much she spent on this.
Amy: Ooh, let's find out.
Raj: It doesn't matter. It's the thought that counts.
Penny: Yeah, yeah. Beauty's on the inside, size doesn't matter - how much did she spend?

Raj: Oh, guys, it's Emily. What should I do?
Penny: Okay, answer it. Just be strong. And if she starts to cry, don't make any promises. And most importantly, put it on speaker so we can hear.

Raj: Seriously, guys, I don't want to know.
Amy: Oh, my.
Raj: Oh, come on, you can't say "Oh, my!" and then not tell me!
Amy: These things go for $500 and up.
Bernadette: Damn! All I got for Valentine's Day was a postcard saying my Vermont Teddy Bear was back-ordered.

Penny: Okay, so, she drops off a $500 gift and she's not trying to get back together with you?
Raj: Maybe you're right.
Bernadette: Or she's telling the truth and just being nice.
Raj: Maybe you're right. Wow, I am easy to manipulate.

Howard: You guys would be cool doing it like that?
Leonard: Of course, we can split any profits three ways.
Sheldon: I'm fine with that.
Howard: Okay, great.
Sheldon: It sounds like a, uh, contract might be in order.
Leonard: Sure, we could write something up.
Sheldon: But which one of us should be the party who-
Howard: You can do it, Sheldon.
Sheldon: (excitedly) So stipulated!
Leonard: Once I found a stash of contracts under his bed. It was weird.

Leonard: Well, what if we go around the university and just get the patent ourselves?
Howard: We can't. It says on their web site, as long as we work there, they have a controlling ownership of anything we come up with.
Sheldon: Great, so they own my idea for a T-shirt that says "Dumb as a Bag of Geologists."

Raj: You know, I have too much self-esteem to let this girl guilt me into getting back together with her.
Amy: You don't need to be pregnant to smell that load of crap.

Bernadette: What is that?
Raj: Wow, it's an antique sextant. Sailors used these to find their position by the stars.
Amy: What a nice gift for an astrophysicist.
Raj: I know, she's so thoughtful.
Penny: See, she's trying to get you back. Now, that is exactly what I would've gotten you if I had any idea what it is or what you do.

Leonard: Well, our choices are we do this with the university or we don't do it at all.
Howard: Either way, I get nothing.
Leonard: Or, if we ended up making money from this, Sheldon and I could split our shares with you.
Sheldon: To be clear, Leonard is referring to the gyroscope, not the T-shirt and mugs.
Oh, now they own the mugs!

Raj: I mean, do I open it? Do I return it?
Amy: Why wouldn't you open it?
Raj: Well, she was pretty mad. For all I know it's a voodoo doll of me with a fork stuck in my junk.

Bernadette: You don't think she'd actually send you something gross or dangerous, do you?
Penny: I know one way to find out. Sniff this.
Amy: She's pregnant, she's not a bloodhound.
Bernadette: Although I am getting a little machine oil. I think it's metal.

Penny: Come on, just open it.
Raj: You know, on Game of Thrones, Balon Greyjoy received his son's genitals in a box.
Penny: Well, never hurts to have a spare.

Amy: So, have you been having any morning sickness?
Bernadette: A little. And it doesn't help that I've got this heightened sense of smell.
Penny: Is that a pregnancy thing?
Bernadette: Yeah, the other day I sniffed out where Howie hid the Girl Scout cookies. No more Tagalongs, my ass.
Penny: But now you'll be able to make your own milk to eat the cookies with.

Leonard: Sorry, but we can't sign this.
Howard: Come on, let's go.
Leonard: Thank you for your time.
Sheldon: You know, couple of questions about the plaque- (Leonard pulls Sheldon out of the room)

Patent Attorney: And as far as Mr. Wolowitz is concerned, I'm afraid as a federal employee on loan from NASA, your name can be on the patent, but you're not entitled to an ownership share.
Howard: Wait, so this can turn out to be a financial success, and I get nothing?
Patent Attorney: Well, sometimes they give you a plaque.
Sheldon: Well, that's not fair. We should all get plaques.