Leonard: Hold on, hold on. So the three of us do all the work and only end up with 25%? Patent Attorney: Dr. Hofstadter, this university has been paying your salaries for over ten years. Did you think we do that out of the goodness of our hearts?
Leonard: Well, until you just said that mean thing, kinda.

Patent Attorney: And as far as Mr. Wolowitz is concerned, I'm afraid as a federal employee on loan from NASA, your name can be on the patent, but you're not entitled to an ownership share.
Howard: Wait, so this can turn out to be a financial success, and I get nothing?
Patent Attorney: Well, sometimes they give you a plaque.
Sheldon: Well, that's not fair. We should all get plaques.

Patent Attorney: Just need you to review and sign this document acknowledging that you understand the university will own 75% of the patent.
Howard: 75%?
Sheldon: That's outrageous. This is our idea based on our research. How can you possibly justify owning a majority share?
Patent Attorney: It's university policy.
Sheldon: Well, I know when I'm beat.

Howard: Okay, I gotta ask. Why are you wearing a bow tie?
Sheldon: I've never applied for a patent before. I wanted to make a good impression.
Howard: Oh. Is the impression that your first name is Pee-Wee?

Sheldon: Yeah, well, you're an engineer. End of joke, burn.

Howard: See, he's not wearing a tie.
Leonard: Well, he's a patent attorney. Maybe his tie is pending.

Patent Attorney: So, I've reviewed your paperwork, and it seems like we've got everything we need to file a patent for your infinite persistence gyroscope.
Sheldon: That's great!
Howard: Excellent.
Leonard: So what happens next?
Patent Attorney: Well, the legal team needs to review existing patents to avoid overlap.
Howard: Oh, I don't think there will be.
Leonard: Yes, we did our own search.
Patent Attorney: That's nice, but I think ours might be a bit more thorough.
Sheldon: (chuckling) Get a load of this guy.

Leonard: Ready when you are, Professor Hawking.
Stephen Hawking: And a one, and a two.
All: Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Sheldon. Happy birthday to you. (to you.)

Adam West: So, who's taking me home?

Leonard: Sheldon, we've been together so long, it's hard to remember a time you weren't in my life. And believe me, I try.
You make me laugh.
You make me a better scientist.
You make me crazy.
You're more than just my roommate, you're my brother.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Leonard: Happy birthday, buddy.

Sheldon: Thank you. That was wonderful.
Penny: Oh, wait, wait, wait. Stuart didn't get to speak.
Stuart: Oh, oh, okay. Um. Uh, Sheldon, I've spent most of my life feeling invisible, but having you and everyone-
Amy: Hey, everybody, listen up.
Penny: (To Stuart) You nailed it.

Amy: We've got someone who couldn't be here but really wanted to wish you a happy birthday.
Stephen Hawking: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: (gasps) Professor Hawking.
Stephen Hawking: Happy birthday to you.
Sheldon: Thank you so much. I can't believe you're-
Stephen Hawking: Happy birthday to you.
Sheldon: Oh, you're singing. Well, I'm sorry.
Stephen Hawking: Happy birthday, dear Sheldon.
Leonard: Uh, Professor Hawking, if you just give us one second, we'll light the candles, and we can all sing together.
Stephen Hawking: I was crushing it, but all right.

Bernadette: I can't think of anything to say that hasn't already been said. So, here's to you, Sheldon.
Raj: Hear, hear.
Sheldon: Thank you, Bernadette. That was perfect.
Howard: What? You gotta be kidding me?

Penny: Okay, while they get the cake, Sheldon, I just want to say, I hope you didn't think you were gonna get through tonight without a hug.
Sheldon: You know, I used to hate these hugs. Now they're just extremely irritating.

Leslie Winkle: Uh, in the past, I would've said something obnoxious, like, "Happy birthday, dumbass". But I'm not gonna do it. You and I have both grown a lot, and it's just so nice to see you all again. So happy birthday, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh. Oh, now, you know I hate change. Say it.
Leslie Winkle: Happy birthday, dumbass!