Howard: Maybe that's an idea, guidance systems for drunk people.
Raj: They have that. It's called Uber.

Amy: So, when did you guys decide to get pregnant?
Bernadette: Well, we didn't exactly decide. We were talking about it, and then one night we got a little reckless.
Penny: Oh, tell us!
Amy: Yeah, tell us.
Bernadette: No, I'm embarrassed.
Penny: Oh, come on, we're all grown-ups. We've all done it.
Amy: Me, me, me too! I'm a grown-up and I've done it!

Amy: Think about all the fun things you get to do when you have a baby.
Penny: Yeah, yeah. You get to buy toys and little clothes.
Bernadette: I kind of already do that for Howie.

Sheldon: That's some smart talk from a guy who can't even keep his face in focus.

Sheldon: This place is terrific. Why have we never been here before?
Leonard: The same reason we don't do a lot of fun stuff - you.

Howard: Okay, how about this for an invention: slightly bigger cocktail umbrellas?
Leonard: How is that a new invention?
Howard: I don't know. All Apple does is change the size of things and we keep buying them.
Raj: It's true. I like my giant iPad and my little iPad almost as much as my regular-sized iPad.

Howard: If I'm gonna have any chance of raising this kid, I need to come up with a big idea to make some money.
Leonard: There's no reason you can't.
Howard: That's easy for you to say. You and Sheldon already came up with your superfluid helium model.
Leonard: That's just research. We're never gonna make any money from it.
Sheldon: Forget helium. The real superfluid is the fruit punch in this mug. It reminds me of my daddy's secret "Don't Tell Mama" juice.

Sheldon: Where's the bathroom?
Raj: Uh, it's in the corner.
Sheldon: Excuse me.
(To strangers at another table)
Hey, how you doin'?
Raj: I hope the bathroom is clearly marked.
Leonard: Doesn't matter. He's headed for the kitchen anyway.

Amy: Hey, let's go do something to get your mind off this.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, we should go out.
Bernadette: Where?
Penny: Uh, I don't know, a bar?
Bernadette: Can't drink.
Penny: We can, but all right.

Raj: I'd like to propose a toast to our friend, Howard. His, um, his big heart, his beautiful soul-
Leonard: And his tight little pants that somehow did not make him sterile.

Amy: Are you hungry? How about that sushi place you love?
Bernadette: Doctor said I can't have sushi.
Penny: Okay, look, we don't have to go anywhere. We can just, you know, stay here and hang out in the hot tub.
Bernadette: Doctor said I can't go in the hot tub.
Amy: Maybe you should get a new doctor. What, he said you can't laugh either?

Howard: Look at this. I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas doesn't have to worry about money. He can have all the kids he wants.
Sheldon: And can keep a small portion of their heads dry.

Howard: That's it. I got to start earning more money right now.
Raj: I know, you could ask Bernadette for a raise in your allowance.
Howard: This isn't a joke.
Raj: I wasn't joking.

Howard: Oh, my God, and do you have any idea how expensive having a kid is?
Raj: I read that in Los Angeles, raising a child through college can cost over a million dollars.
Howard: A million dollars? God, it's like my nuts just kicked me in the nuts.

Sheldon: Not to mention the impact on our social circle. Everything's going to change. Howard won't be able to come over as much.
Raj: Well, he could bring the baby here.
Sheldon: Oh, but then we'd have to baby-proof the apartment. You know, my sister has one of those toilet locks in her bathroom. I have two doctorates, I still had to go in the sink.