Sheldon: Oh, I got a letter from my Meemaw. Smell this.
Penny: What is that?
Sheldon: Uh, roses, Bengay, and Dr. Scholls' foot powder.
Penny: Yeah, "Grandma", by Calvin Klein.

Sheldon: Here's a fun Postal fact. Yeah, the inner side of our mailbox is under federal jurisdiction. So, if you broke my right thumb, that's Pasadena city police. But if you broke my left thumb, that's the FBI.
Leonard: If I'm going to jail, I'm killing him, not breaking his thumb.

Leonard: Come on, you pain in the ass!
Sheldon: That's me! Bye, Stuart.
Stuart: Wait! I'm a pain in the ass, too!

Penny: You couldn't give us just one weekend?
Stuart: I told him this was a bad idea.

Leonard: What do we do? Kick them off?
Penny: If we drop them off at a fire station, they have to take them; no questions asked.

Sheldon: Before you do, please give me one more chance to apologize to Emily.
Raj: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Emily, as I'm sure you know, I'm considered an odd fellow. But what you don't know is that, while I often say the wrong thing, in my heart I mean well. I think that you are a smart and wonderful woman, you know? And we all think that you can do better than Koothrappali.
Raj: You know, Sheldon-
Emily: Shh, let him finish.
Sheldon: So, for all the times I've offended you and all the times that I'll offend you in the future, I'm sorry.
Emily: Thank you.

Sheldon: Good. Then I'll be leaving now.
Emily: Oh, it's okay, Sheldon. Come with us.
Sheldon: Oh, that's very kind of you. But I'm sure you'll all have a better time without me. Let's go, Stuart.
Stuart: But I want to stay.
Sheldon: Stuart, now!

Emily: You know, I know he's a jerk, but I actually feel bad for him.
Penny: And now you see the problem.

Howard: Ooh, check out the stripper pole.
Bernadette: You know what that means.
Leonard: That Raj'll be on it before we make it to the freeway?
Howard: You know it!

Leonard: What are you doing?!
Sheldon: My plan was to jump out at the state line, but one of my nose plugs fell into the toilet.

Penny: So, was the fight really bad?
Sheldon: No. As a fight, it was excellent. She used harsh language and slammed the door. Although as I say this, that might not have been what you were asking.

Leonard: You think they'll still go on the trip?
Sheldon: All I know is after the fight I went to Emily's to smooth-
Leonard: They're not going on the trip.
Penny: No.

Raj: What is wrong with you?
Sheldon: Look at him, caring about what's wrong with me. That is some top-shelf empathy. Hey, well, we should start a club.
Raj: You went to Emily's to apologize. And when you left, she was crying.
Sheldon: That is true. Well, I suppose I should apologize again.
*Everybody shouts No!*
Penny: Is she okay?
Raj: Yeah, I calmed her down. But she's not going to Vegas if he's going.
Howard: Wait, that's an option? I didn't know that was an option.
Sheldon: Well, that is fine, because I've decided that I won't be joining you. I've realized that the most genuine way to demonstrate the remorse I feel is to let you have this weekend to yourselves.
Raj: That's very mature of you.
Sheldon: Well, I've been on a little trip myself recently. Not to Sin City but to Sincere City. Where instead of genital warts, the only growth you'll come back with is personal growth.
Penny: And there's your next T-shirt.

Emily: Well, I don't accept your apology.
Raj: What are you doing?
Emily: It's called standing up for myself. You should try it some time.

Sheldon: Raj, you were being a good friend, and my illness was no excuse for my behavior. I hope that you can accept my apology.
Raj: Of course I do.
Sheldon: And, Emily, I'm sorry for saying dermatologists aren't real doctors. And I'm sure you're tired of hearing that.
Emily: Do you honestly think I hear that a lot?
Sheldon: Well, I would imagine when your job is popping zits and squirting Botox into old lady faces-
Raj: Okay! Okay, the point is that we accept your apology.
Emily: Uh, maybe you do. He just insulted me again.
Raj: Yeah, but he doesn't mean it.
Emily: Why are you defending him?
Sheldon: I believe I can answer that. Uh, like me, Raj is demonstrating empathy.
Now, why don't you accept my apology, receive your free T-shirt, uh-- I hope extra small is okay. For some reason Wolowitz took a medium.