Howard: Ooh, check out the stripper pole.
Bernadette: You know what that means.
Leonard: That Raj'll be on it before we make it to the freeway?
Howard: You know it!

Sheldon: You know how, when you're sick, you're allowed to be cranky and say whatever you want and other people's feelings don't matter?
Amy: Ooh. Gentle and loving. This is gonna be tricky.

Leonard: Come on, you pain in the ass!
Sheldon: That's me! Bye, Stuart.
Stuart: Wait! I'm a pain in the ass, too!

Emily: You know, I know he's a jerk, but I actually feel bad for him.
Penny: And now you see the problem.

Sheldon: Good. Then I'll be leaving now.
Emily: Oh, it's okay, Sheldon. Come with us.
Sheldon: Oh, that's very kind of you. But I'm sure you'll all have a better time without me. Let's go, Stuart.
Stuart: But I want to stay.
Sheldon: Stuart, now!

Sheldon: Before you do, please give me one more chance to apologize to Emily.
Raj: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Emily, as I'm sure you know, I'm considered an odd fellow. But what you don't know is that, while I often say the wrong thing, in my heart I mean well. I think that you are a smart and wonderful woman, you know? And we all think that you can do better than Koothrappali.
Raj: You know, Sheldon-
Emily: Shh, let him finish.
Sheldon: So, for all the times I've offended you and all the times that I'll offend you in the future, I'm sorry.
Emily: Thank you.

Leonard: What do we do? Kick them off?
Penny: If we drop them off at a fire station, they have to take them; no questions asked.

Penny: You couldn't give us just one weekend?
Stuart: I told him this was a bad idea.

Leonard: What are you doing?!
Sheldon: My plan was to jump out at the state line, but one of my nose plugs fell into the toilet.

Sheldon: I caused that fight, I feel terrible. Wait, I can do that better.
I caused that fight. I feel terrible!
Yeah, wow, I don't know which one I like more.

Sheldon: You brought me my comic books when I wasn't feeling well. That was thoughtful.
And I was insensitive. I'm sorry.
Stuart: Thank you, Sheldon. I appreciate that.
Sheldon: And I want you to know that I mean it, you know? This isn't me just wanting to go on the trip to Las Vegas.
Stuart: What trip to Las Vegas?
Sheldon: The one everyone's taking this weekend on the party bus.
Stuart: Of course. I wasn't invited.
Sheldon: That would be my understanding. On a less painful subject, what size T-shirt do you take?

Sheldon: Raj, you were being a good friend, and my illness was no excuse for my behavior. I hope that you can accept my apology.
Raj: Of course I do.
Sheldon: And, Emily, I'm sorry for saying dermatologists aren't real doctors. And I'm sure you're tired of hearing that.
Emily: Do you honestly think I hear that a lot?
Sheldon: Well, I would imagine when your job is popping zits and squirting Botox into old lady faces-
Raj: Okay! Okay, the point is that we accept your apology.
Emily: Uh, maybe you do. He just insulted me again.
Raj: Yeah, but he doesn't mean it.
Emily: Why are you defending him?
Sheldon: I believe I can answer that. Uh, like me, Raj is demonstrating empathy.
Now, why don't you accept my apology, receive your free T-shirt, uh-- I hope extra small is okay. For some reason Wolowitz took a medium.

Emily: Well, I don't accept your apology.
Raj: What are you doing?
Emily: It's called standing up for myself. You should try it some time.

Raj: Fine, how about this? You're making me uncomfortable by prolonging this ridiculous fight, and I wish you'd stop.
Emily: Oh, you want me to stop? No problem.
Raj: No, come on, please don't leave!
Sheldon: Point of clarification, are you still going on the trip? Because if not-
Emily: Don't worry, you're good.

Leonard: You think they'll still go on the trip?
Sheldon: All I know is after the fight I went to Emily's to smooth-
Leonard: They're not going on the trip.
Penny: No.