Sheldon: I realized something. When Amy was in my life, I was hyper-focused on my work and ignored her.
Penny: And you don't want to make the same mistake with the next woman.
Sheldon: No, I need a new woman in my life to ignore so I can hyper-focus on my work again.

Leonard: Hey, I made French toast sticks.
Sheldon: On oatmeal day?
Leonard: Ah, I also made oatmeal.
Sheldon: Ooh, that's a lot of carbohydrates for a man on the prowl. You know what? You eat it. You're married, it doesn't matter what you look like.

Leonard: Well, now instead of idolizing fictional characters, you can focus on the real people who are already in your life.
Sheldon: Those are very wise words.
Leonard: Thank you.
Sheldon: They'd just be so much more comforting if they came out of a television.

Mike Rostenkowski: You know, I know you don't want to hear this, but it wouldn't take that much work to turn that den into a nursery.
Howard: Why wouldn't I want to hear it?
Mike Rostenkowski: 'Cause Bernie said you didn't want kids.
Howard: That's not true at all. I wish she'd get pregnant, believe me. I'm climbing on top of her every chance I get.
In a loving and respectful manner.

Penny: I can't believe Sheldon was gonna ask Amy to marry him.
Leonard: I know. I also can't believe he watched what we did on that couch and still sits on it.

Bernadette: So I should probably explain why I kind of fibbed.
Howard: That would be nice.
Bernadette: I told my dad that you were the one who didn't want kids because I didn't want to disappoint him.
Howard: But you were okay throwing me under the bus?
Bernadette: Turns out yeah, I didn't think twice about it.

Mike Rostenkowski: Bernie, you don't need to worry about me. But I don't want to see you miss out. Raising children was the most rewarding experience of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, please. Mom did everything. All you did was come home from work, sit on the couch and drink beer. How is that raising kids?
Mike Rostenkowski: This is really a conversation for husband and wife. I'm gonna go clean up, hit the road. If your mother asks, I was here till 10:00.

Raj: It's interesting your father didn't help around the house and Howard doesn't help, either, so in a way, Howard's not only like your father, but he's also like the child that you're afraid to have.
Howard: Why are you still here?
Raj: Fine, I'll leave. But it sounds like somebody needs a fresh diaper.

Sheldon: As a child, when faced with a dilemma, my mother encouraged me to ask, "€œWhat would Jesus do?" The answer to that was always, "Love thy neighbor." But my neighbor had a dead tooth, so that wasn't going to happen.
But that's why I changed it to, "€œWhat would Spock do?"
Adam Nimoy: Did you find that helpful?
Sheldon: Yes. Oh, for example, three years ago when I discovered Penny was eating all my Pop-Tarts, instead of getting angry or vindictive, you know, I got a floor safe.
Penny: I knew I could smell 'em.

Adam Nimoy: What about from when you were a kid?
Sheldon: Oh, certainly.
Sheldon: Uh, when I was eight years old, Billy Sparks cornered me in the playground.
I asked myself, "What would Spock do?" Then I grabbed Billy on his shoulder and performed my first Vulcan nerve pinch.
Adam Nimoy: Did it work?
Sheldon: Oh, no. He broke my collarbone. I can still hear it click.

Wil Wheaton: This documentary is going to be awesome!

Mike Rostenkowski: You gonna be okay down here?
Howard: Yeah. Yeah, I feel like an archaeologist. Indiana Jones and the Single-Family Dwelling.

Howard: Hey, look! I found a seashell.
Mike Rostenkowski: Yeah, that's a rat skull.
Howard: (shrieks)
Mike Rostenkowski: Relax. There's enough droppings down here without you making more.

Sheldon: Not only is it signed to me but this is where he wiped his mouth. So we are currently in the presence of Leonard Nimoy's DNA.
Wil Wheaton: Um, doesn't Adam count as Leonard Nimoy's DNA?
Sheldon: No offense, but this is pure 100% Nimoy. Because of your mother, you're only 50%. Which isn't bad, but anything that you wipe your mouth on gets thrown away.

Penny: What else you hiding in there?
Sheldon: Wouldn't you like to know?
Penny: I would.
Sheldon: All right then. See, just my valuables. My passport, uh, my will-
Leonard: You have a will?
Sheldon: Yeah. My 1/18 scale Wil Wheaton action figure.