Sheldon: Wait, hold on, hold on. How do we know that you're not gonna take the money and drive away?
Leonard: What ya doing, Skippy?
Sheldon: Exactly what 1970s television crime dramas have taught us.
You give us the helium first.
Dealer: Oh, how do I know you're not gonna drive away without paying me?
Sheldon: Guess I'm not the only one who watches '70s television crime dramas.

Leonard: Look, you can trust us. We're respected scientists.
Sheldon: Well, he is. I'm a wedding planner, who can't find love himself. It's ironic, but the point is, we can't trust you. You're a sketchy character in a parking garage.
Dealer: Yeah, well, from my perspective, that's how you two appear to me.
Sheldon: Well, I never thought of it like that. Boy, frame of reference will just sneak up on you, won't it?

Dealer: No money, no helium. Seems we're at a, uh, stalemate.
Sheldon: Not technically. In chess, a stalemate refers to a situation in which there are no remaining moves.
Uh, you have plenty of moves available. You could beat us up and steal the money. You could kill us, you know.
Really, you're only limited by your imagination.

Sheldon: Uh, but this is violating university code.
Leonard: A little, but if I may quote Einstein, "The pursuit of science calls us to ignore the rules set by man"
Sheldon: Huh. All right, do it. Tell him we're in.
Leonard: Done.
Sheldon: I can't find that quote on the Internet. Did you make that up?
Leonard: Before I answer, may I just say your skin has never looked better.
Sheldon: Aren't you just made of sugar.

Penny: Oh, he's cute!
Bernadette: Doesn't a teardrop tattoo mean he murdered someone?
Penny: And he's sad about it.

Bernadette: Hey, I thought you were gonna be out late?
Howard: If you wanted me to stay out later, you should've given me more spending money.

Raj: Uh, no no, uh, definitely not.
Howard: What was wrong with that guy?
Raj: Uh, he's Indian. We've already got one of those.
Ooh, we should find a nice Latino. Really round us out.

Amy: Uh, excuse me, can I have my phone back?
Howard: Hang on, I'm trying to find you the next great love of your life. The man who will father your children.
Okay, yes or no on white guy with dreadlocks?

Stuart: What's up?
Bernadette: Can you show us that dating app?
Sutart: Oh, yeah, sure. This thing has changed my life.
Penny: Wow. So how many girls have you met?
Stuart: Two. I probably don't need to mention there's an entire number between that and zero.

Penny: Well, so how does it work?
Stuart: Ah, well, it shows me all the single women in a five-mile radius who are using the app. If I like the way they look, I hit thumbs up. If I don't, thumbs down.
Bernadette: Oh, what would make you give a girl a thumbs down?
Stuart: First time it happens I will let you know.

Leonard: Oh, hey. I just heard back from the liquid helium guy.
Sheldon: What'd he say?
Leonard: He's got what we need and can meet us tonight.
Sheldon: Oh, really? You know I don't like buying things at night.
January 7, 2009. I went to the Ralph's at 11:30pm to pick up Cracklin' Oat Bran for the morning, and what did I see?
Leonard: The man restocking the cereal shelves.
Sheldon: That's right. And what did he do?
Leonard: He handed you the box directly and called you Stretch.
Sheldon: (shudders) It's like it was yesterday.

Raj: Why do you need Kripke? Why don't you just go to Party City for helium?
Leonard: We'd have to go to every Party City in California.
Howard: Sounds like you on Cinco de Mayo.
Raj: Hey, people were still talking about that party on siete de Mayo.

Sheldon: Leonard, if that Swedish team beats us, I will never be able to enjoy anything from their country again. Which is a shame, because Swedish meatballs are my favorite toothpick-delivered meatball.

Howard: If you need liquid helium so bad, I know a guy who can get you some, if you don't ask too many questions.
Leonard: Who is he?
Sheldon: Where does he work?
Leonard: How does he get the helium?
Sheldon: How many questions are too many questions?
Howard: Maybe he's not for you.
Sheldon: Four questions. The answer's four.

Bernadette: Hey, you know who went out on a date the other night? Stuart.
Penny: Oh, good for him.
Bernadette: I thought so, too.
Penny: So is she, like, homeless, or framing him for a crime?