Leonard: Pardon me, Sheldon, but how many reels until the protagonist gets to his point?

Stuart: Okay, how about we flip a coin?
Leonard: Look, hang on. Doesn't this girl get a word in all of this? And isn't that word "no"?

Leonard: I love you.
Penny: I love you, too.
Leonard: And you're gonna do great. Just relax, stay out of your head, and try to enjoy it.
Penny: Aw. That reminds me of what I said to you the first time we slept together.
Leonard: I still use it. It's a mantra.

Sheldon: What, why did you get a party sub?
Leonard: People are coming over, it looked fun.
Sheldon: Well, we're only watching Game of Thrones. A party sub implies it's a party.
Leonard: Your attendance implies its not.

Guy #2: Is she just with you because you're rich?
Leonard: She makes more money than I do!

Leonard: Oh, I knew it, Sheldon changed the password.
Penny: Are you sure?
Leonard: Well, the new network name is, "Ha ha ha, now I've got you," so It's either Sheldon or Gargamel from The Smurfs.

Leonard: Okay, that's enough. This fight either has to end or get way more entertaining.

Raj: Oh, my God, this tomato is amazing! I can eat it like an apple.
Doctor Wolcott: My secret is I fertilize it with my own manure.
Howard: The look on your face.
Leonard: It's a sort of grin. You want to know what kind?

Leonard: No, we don't need to be cheered up. It just turns out that physics is exactly like Lost. Started out great, and turns out just a big old waste of time.

Sheldon: I spoke with Leonard's mother, and she made me feel better.
Leonard: I don't know who you talked to, but that wasn't my mother.

Leonard: I worked hard on that speech, too.
Penny: Oh. You could tell it to me.
Leonard: Oh, thank you, but I'm okay.
Penny: Are you sure? I could pretend I'm a high school cheerleader who can't control herself around esteemed alumni.
Leonard: Greetings, distinguished cheerleaders.
Penny: Ooh!

Leslie: I admire your fingering.
Leonard: Thank you.
Leslie: Maybe some time you can try that on my instrument.

Sheldon: Oh, Meemaw got a new set of teeth. Oh, but then she found her old ones. Oh, so now the new ones are just gonna be her church teeth.
Leonard: Fun. Like your Comic-Con Spock ears and your around the house Spock ears.

Amy: Well, I just took your side 'cause sometimes I get annoyed at how close Sheldon and Penny are.
Leonard: Well, they argue all the time. They aren't that close.
Amy: Whos always comforting him when he's upset?
Leonard: Penny, but-
Amy: Who's the only one who can make him take his medicine when he's sick?
Leonard: I try to hide it in his peanut butter, but he spits it out.

Leonard: I'm going to hit the head. That's what us salty sea dogs say when we have to go pee-pee.