Raj: If we're all gonna die, why am I eating so much kale?

Doctor Wolcott: Yeah, I'm a married man myself.
Leonard: Oh, really? Is she here?
Howard: And alive?
Raj: And can people other than you see her?

Howard: What are you doing? You have a girlfriend.
Raj: So?
Howard: So, how do you think she'd feel about you helping a beautiful girl with her screenplay?
Raj: I wouldn't say she's beautiful.
Howard: Really? You don't think she's attractive?
Raj: I do. I just wouldn't tell my girlfriend.

Raj: I'd love a personal trainer. I haven't seen my abs since they opened a Shake Shack on my drive home.

Lucy: Can I just say something? Going out with Raj was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Raj: Yes, I'll take you back.
Lucy: It's like I needed to go through that experience to know what exactly I don't want in a man.
Raj: That's hard to hear, but I'll still take you back.

Raj: If you people think this is better than Tom Hanks-Giving, you're all crazy.

Claire: Wow. You've been talking about Frozen for an hour?
Howard: You should've seen us after The Good Dinosaur.
Raj: It was a classic western set in the post-Jurassic period, and it changed my life.

Howard: How are you today, Mr. Can You Believe These Jackasses?
Raj: Just dandy, Mr. I Wish I Was Better At Improv.

Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, great news. We discovered a medium-sized asteroid together.
Leonard: Wow, that's amazing! I'm in a pretty great mood today myself.
Sheldon: Okay. Guess we're gonna talk about you now.
Leonard: Well, we are, because Dr. Gallo made me realize that I'm a worthwhile person and that my feelings matter.
Raj: I learned that for free from a cat poster, but good for you.

Emily: It's a beautiful night.
Raj: Oh, yes, we've got the moon and the trees and Elizabeth McNulty, who apparently died when she was the same age I am.

Leonard: That would be more helpful if E.T. were real.
Raj: Well, my feelings were real when he was about to die.
Leonard: My God, when he's on the table and they use the paddles on him.
Raj: And he's all white.
Leonard: They zip him up in that bag.
Raj: And Gertie can't stop crying.
Leonard: The flower dies.
Raj: Okay, let's talk about something else.

Howard: You're sitting in my spot.
Sheldon: You don't have a spot. What is wrong with you today?
Raj: Maybe he's cranky because he's off his bathroom schedule.

Lucy: I'm kind of broken.
Raj: That's great. I'm broken, too.
Lucy: Oh, no you're not.
Raj: Oh, I totally am. If it wasn't for this beer, I couldn't even talk to you right now. I'm a wreck. There are many things seriously wrong with me. And not quirks, either. Like diagnosable psychological problems. Maybe brain damage.
Lucy: Well how do I know you're not just saying that?
Raj: Go out with me on one date. I promise you, you'll see.

Raj: But if we were part of the team that confirmed string theory, we could drink for free in any bar in any college town with a university that has a strong science program.

Raj: Go away. She wants New Delhi, not Kosher deli.