Raj: I feel like I've been called down to the principal's office. Although I wouldn't mind if Brown Sugar suspended me. From a sex swing. (Looking at his flask) This may have been a mistake.

Raj: I mean, if I were hitting on you, you’d know it 'cause you'd feel uncomfortable and a little sad for me.

Raj: She's not hiding. She needed privacy to call her grandmother, who's apparently very sick. Oh, and I believe she has to wash her hair.
Howard: Oh, you poor deluded bastard.
Raj: Don't start with me, dude.
Howard: You wanna go again? Let's go.

Bernadette: When does Anu come back from London?
Raj: Next week. But it's been good, you know? Really given me a chance to focus on myself.
Howard: How's that going?
Raj: I didn't like what I saw, got in my car, drove over here.

Raj: Attention all shoppers, my business is open for business!

Raj: And does Sheldon know you're dating Sheldon?
Amy: (To Raj) I'm sorry, who are you dating?
Raj: Yeah, knock it off, Howard.

Raj: I can't believe I bought my soul mate at Glendale Galleria.

Raj: I was on the radio, once. I called in to Fever 104 FM New Dehli and was the fourth person to say the phrase that pays: Fever 104 (speaking Hindi).
*The guys stare at Raj*
Raj: That means "Fever 104: Home of the really good current music."
Raj: It's much catchier in Hindi.

Raj: As I'm sure you're aware the quickest way to a man's heart is through his -
Penny: Pants. But Leonard said sex doesn't count.
Raj: You poor thing. You have one arrow in your quiver and you just can't use it.

Raj: Later, losers!

Howard: Still lives with his mom? Yikes, right?
Raj: Yeah, I'm not quite sure how to respond.

Sheldon: Will you at least stipulate that Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home is inarguably the best?
Raj: I have 3 words for you: Wrath of Khan.

Raj: Well, I would never leave you off my list. And not just because without you we're playing fast and loose with the word "list".

Raj: Being an astrophysicist right now is like being a rock star.
Howard: Only without the sex.
Raj: Yeah, literally none of it.

Raj: You think your thoughts are pure gold, but let me tell you something they are pure caca.