Raj: Just think of me as a Brown Martha Stewart.

Raj: How do you sleep in these things? Silk pajamas on satin sheets? I slid out of the bed like 3 times.

Bernadette: Come on, Raj, give me a bag.
Raj: No, no, you're pregnant. The only thing you carry is our hope for a better tomorrow.

Howard: Hang on, honey. Shiva and Ganesh? The Hindu Gods against the entire Union army?
Leonard: And Orcs!
Penny: I'll be back.
Raj: Excuse me, Ganesh is the remover of obstacles, and Shiva is the destroyer. When the smoke clears, Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.

Leonard: Did you hear about this study that found people that were cool and popular at 13 have problems succeeding later in life?
Raj: Hmm. I'm doing okay, and I was very popular at 13.
Penny: In school?
Raj: Oh, no. At home. The servants would sing to me, laugh at my jokes. I wish I knew their names.

Leonard: Why did you pull this Russian paper?
Raj: Oh, it was cited in this paper over here, so I thought we should check it out.
Leonard: Mm, it's not translated. Maybe we should talk to Howard; his Russian's pretty good.
Raj: We don't need Howard. I've got Google Translate. Okay, here we go, from Russian to English. "Examinations of moose chowder in lemon parachutes." Yeah, okay, now I know why this app is free.

Raj: Uh, no no, uh, definitely not.
Howard: What was wrong with that guy?
Raj: Uh, he's Indian. We've already got one of those.
Ooh, we should find a nice Latino. Really round us out.

Howard: No, she's right. As long as I've known you, you've always been self-conscious about your cleavage.
Raj: It's because you keep trying to stick pencils in it.

Raj: Oh my god, I just got it. Fun onions. Funyuns. Hahahaha!

Raj: But what do you think?
Emily: I think it's very cute.
Raj: Cute? It's not cute. Cute is children dressed as vegetables.

Amy: Would you call yourself a loyal and trustworthy friend?
Raj: Yeah, I like to think so.
Amy: Great. Because I need to tell you something about Howard, but you can't tell him that I told you.
Raj: Nope. Don't want to hear it. Do not like to engage in gossip.
Amy: Okay. I respect your integrity.
Raj: Is it about his special underwear? Because I already know. And that's all I'll say. Fine, it has a charcoal filter in it.

Howard: You sure you don't want to come watch Game of Thrones with us?
Bernadette: You guys have fun. I'm just gonna snuggle up in bed with a book.
Raj: Oh, that sounds great, a bed to yourself. Can't even remember what that's like.

Raj: It's a gravitational wobble. It could be a sign of an extrasolar planet that may contain life and someday be named after me.
Issabella: Oh well, if it has life, maybe it already has a name, huh?
Raj: Yeah, but it's probably difficult to pronounce.
Issabella: What is your name?
Raj: Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali.
Issabella: You think it would be more difficult than that?
Raj: Good point.

Raj: Hey, how's the mommy-to-be?
Bernadette: Good. A little tired.
Raj: I feel you. I've been dating multiple women.

Raj: Hey, Claire.
Claire: Hey, what's up?
Raj: Hi, yeah. Um, I was wondering, if you're free Saturday night, all my friends are going to a wine tasting.
Claire: Sure, I guess. If you don't think meeting your friends is too big a step.
Raj: Why would it be too big a step?
Claire: I don't know. I just don't want things to get weird.
Raj: Nothing to worry about. People meet people all the time, and it isn't weird. I met Bon Jovi once, which you'd think might be weird. Turns out, total sweetheart.
Claire: Okay, but you and I have been keeping things casual. Uh, will you introduce me as your friend or as your girlfriend? What if I like them and they don't like me? What if they like me and I don't like them?
Raj: Boy, it wasn't this hard with Bon Jovi. I said you rock, he said "Thanks, man," and that was that.