Sheldon: People should take care of themselves.
Leonard: Oh, like yesterday when you made me drive you to the dry cleaners, the pharmacy and the post office?
Sheldon: I'm not saying people can't use tools. Even an otter picks up a rock when he wants a clam.

Penny: Sheldon, please, we already feel bad about this.
Sheldon: You know what they don't sell at The Container Store? Something large enough to contain my disappointment.
Although, if anyone did, it would be them.

Leonard: I still don't understand why you bought that pill caddie. You're a young man.
Sheldon: Age is a state of mind, Leonard. In here I'm 90.

Sheldon: How can we ever hope to have a healthy relationship if I don't tell her how disappointed I am and how I'll never forgive her.

Amy: Hi, Sheldon. What's up?
Sheldon: Well, I'm calling because Thanksgiving is coming up, and I wanted to offer you the aquarium tickets.
Amy: No one can go with you?
Sheldon: No. They'd rather spend the holiday with each other than find out if this is the year I finally touch a starfish.

Sheldon: Do you have any questions for me?
Amy: Just one. Are you doing okay?
Sheldon: I am.
Amy: Good. I want you to be happy.
Sheldon: I believe you. I'd believe you more if you threw a few Apple Jacks in here.

Penny: Okay, let's try this. Think of yourself as one of those limited edition toys people like to collect.
Sheldon: I already do.

Sheldon: You tracked my phone?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Boy, you chase one balloon for three miles.
Penny: We were worried about you.
Sheldon: Don't be melodramatic. I'm just getting on a train and leaving for ever.

Sheldon: (On the phone) This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I need to cancel my membership to the planetarium. Yeah, well, I'm sorry too, but there's just no room for you in my wallet. No, I understand, but it was between you and the Museum of Natural History, and frankly, you don't have dinosaurs. Oh, I'll miss you too. Bye-bye.

Sheldon: All right, so the topic at hand is sexual fidelity. Probably won't be relying on Suess here. Although One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish might be surprisingly applicable here.

Sheldon: Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship. Bazinga! Bedtime. Please show yourself out.

Sheldon: I'll be Coop and he'll be Wheels. If he's okay with that.

Amy: I'm just really glad you're back.
Sheldon: Me too. I've got a lot of TV to catch up on.

Leonard: Are you set on people laughing WITH you? Because if you're cool with AT you ...
Sheldon: I don't get it.

Sheldon: Koko learned to understands over 2000 words, not one of which had anything to do with shoes.