Amy: And this is Dr. Gundersen from Stockholm.
Sheldon: Ah, Sweden. Home of my favorite Muppet and second-favorite meatball.
*Dr. Gundersen and Amy look blankly at Sheldon*
Sheldon: Okay, the Nordic reputation for a lack of humor is well founded. Boy, is his name Gundersen or No-fun-dersen?

Raj: Hey, Sheldon, guess what I've heard today.
Sheldon: I'd imagine you heard any number of things today. When you arrived at work, you undoubtedly heard: Hello, Raj; How are you, Raj; and given you're wearing a new sweater vest, you may have heard: "New Sweater Vest" and possible, though less likely "Nice Sweater Vest."

Sheldon: Okay, I know you're texting about me and I'd really like you to stop.

Amy: Is it from one of your dumb sci-fi shows?
Sheldon: Uh, none of the sci-fi shows I watch are dumb.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Okay, Westworld. But this has nothing to do with that show, other than it's also inexplicable.

Sheldon: Here's your cat and here's your $20.

Sheldon: What do you say to a graduate of the U.C. Berkeley Physics Department? I'll have fries with that. Because his education hasn't prepared him for a career in the sciences.

Sheldon: Well, I've had a lot on my plate. We happen to live in a golden age of television.

Sheldon: Hey, Raj, I owe you an apology. Look, could you please put your dog on a leash?
Raj: Sheldon, she's fine.
Sheldon: Well, then at least hold her still so I can pretend she's stuffed.

Howard: Then why don't you ever drive yourself?
Sheldon: Honestly, I barely passed my test. And the one time I drove on my own, I made a U-turn, got dizzy, threw up and walked home.
Howard: You really want to drive?
Sheldon: It seems like the perfect time. The roads are straight, there's no one around, and you don't seem to care if you live or die.
Howard: Live, Sheldon. I want to live.
Sheldon: That makes things a little trickier, but I'll do my best.

Sheldon: Oh, and FYI, if you cry while they're fighting they'll take you to McDonald's.

Sheldon: You know, we were annihilated by our own incompetence and the inability of some people to follow the chain of command.
Leonard: Sheldon, let it go.
Sheldon: No, I want to talk about the fact that Wolowitz shot me in the back.

Sheldon: I said some pretty unprofessional things about his work. I may have even used the "S" word.
Amy: Subpar?
Sheldon: I'm not proud of it, Amy, but I have a temper.

Penny: What's this?
Sheldon: Leonard told me what happened, so I took it upon myself to make you a hot beverage.
Penny: Oh, that's so sweet of you.
Sheldon: I know.

Leonard: See, the liquid metal Terminators were created in the future by Skynet, and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson, but that future no longer exists due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2.
Sheldon: Okay, then riddle me this. Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by the future John Connor, why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite hot 17 year-old killer robot?
Leonard: Skynet is kinky? I don't know.
Sheldon: Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes.

Sheldon: What? You hold my hand, you kiss my mouth, but you draw the line at 102 fever? What happened to our love?