Leonard: What are you thinking of naming it?
Sheldon: I haven't settled on anything yet.
Raj: We haven't settled on anything yet.
Sheldon: All right, way to go, Cat Poster. You hang in there.

Sheldon: Penny, rub Vicks on my chest.
Penny: Sheldon, I cooked you breakfast. I made your bed. I checked your mouth for thrush. You can rub your own chest.
Sheldon: Oh, sure, grope every other male on the planet, but draw the line with me.

Leonard: That's fine, 'cause actually you're not invited.
Sheldon: Well, now well, that's hurtful.
Penny: Oh, Sheldon, you don't even like it there.
Sheldon: I can consider a place America's urinal cake and still enjoy the occasional visit.

Sheldon: Before you do, please give me one more chance to apologize to Emily.
Raj: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Emily, as I'm sure you know, I'm considered an odd fellow. But what you don't know is that, while I often say the wrong thing, in my heart I mean well. I think that you are a smart and wonderful woman, you know? And we all think that you can do better than Koothrappali.
Raj: You know, Sheldon-
Emily: Shh, let him finish.
Sheldon: So, for all the times I've offended you and all the times that I'll offend you in the future, I'm sorry.
Emily: Thank you.

Sheldon: Ooh, hey, oh, ask her to do the tissue thing. Do it, ask her.
Amy: Can I have a tissue?
Meemaw: Of course. (Meemaw pulls a tissue out of her sleeve)
Sheldon: Isn't that the best?! She's like Grandma Spider-Man.
Meemaw: He's been saying that since he was little. I still don't know what it means.

Sheldon: Oh, well, you two sit down and get to know each other. I'll get your room ready.
Meemaw: Oh, now don't you go looking through my suitcase for presents.
Sheldon: If I did, would I find any?
Meemaw: Maybe. But you also might find my brassieres and bloomers.
Sheldon: That's a risk I'm willing to take!

Penny: What happened? Is Amy gone?
Sheldon: No. They asked me to leave so they could speak privately.
Penny: Uh oh.
Sheldon: Yeah, I know. It was quite tense. So here's the million dollar question. Uh, who wants to pop over there and get my trains?

Amy: Consider tonight's episode a Valentine's Day gift for you, our viewers.
Sheldon: It's also my gift to you. That was clear, right? 'Cause you're not getting anything else.

Howard: Look at this. I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas doesn't have to worry about money. He can have all the kids he wants.
Sheldon: And can keep a small portion of their heads dry.

Bernadette: What kind of cake do you like?
Sheldon: Well, my favorite is chocolate with strawberry frosting, three layers, and if there's writing on it, make sure it's not all caps. I don't need my dessert yelling at me.

Sheldon: It's nice to get back to nature. Why don't I do this more often? What a beautiful forest. Hello, little butterfly. What's your na -- Oh!
Leonard: What'cha doing?
Sheldon: I was enjoying some virtual reality, until you ruined it with your actual face.

Sheldon: Well, make your jokes, but some of the participants who spent four days in the woods away from all technology reported a fifty percent gain in reasoning skills upon their return.
Penny: Okay, if that's true, why aren't there more genius squirrels?
Sheldon: (Hands Penny the virtual reality headset) You may need this more than I do.

Leonard: Okay, I'll go. Never have I ever been arrested.
Sheldon: So I drink.
Amy: No, it's only if you've done it.
Sheldon: Got it.
Amy: I can't believe you've been arrested.
Sheldon: I can't believe Penny hasn't.

Sheldon: Of course, this will require a vote. Unfortunately, my official gavel is in my bedroom, but luckily I have my travel gavel.

Sheldon: Now, let's follow in that brave woman's footsteps, and stand up for ourselves. And, and I realize that she stood up by remaining seated, but now is not the time to enjoy the irony of that. Now, I ask you again. Who here takes issue with this person?
Woman: Why should we listen to you? You cut the line yourself.
Sheldon: I most certainly did not.
Woman: I saw you.
Guy: If you're feeling dizzy, it's because the tables have turned.
Sheldon: Excuse me, I paid someone to wait in line for me, and then when I arrived, he left, so what you saw, my good woman, was swapsies, not cutsies.