Sheldon: Gentlemen, please. Leonard is trying to walk a mile in my metaphorical shoes. He can't walk in my actual shoes, he has the feet of a toddler.

Sheldon: My spot on the couch has a great view of a window. Sometimes I can see space battles through it. It's called a TV.

Penny: I get it. I know what it's like to put your heart and soul into something and get nothing out of it.
Sheldon: You mean your acting career?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Your relationship with Leonard?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Your failed attempt to go back to college?
Penny: No!

Sheldon: Oh, I'm not going to the funeral.
Amy: Why not?
Sheldon: All those people blowing their noses. You can't tell the sick from the sad.

Leonard: Sheldon, hang tight. Hey, do you want me to bring you anything?
Sheldon: Yes, please. A pair of pants, and my toothbrush, and my mail, and a really good come back for chicken legs. Because "I know you are, but what am I?" was met with stony silence.

Howard: And you love the sound of your own voice.
Sheldon: Well, of course I do. Listen to it. It's like an earful of melted caramel.

Raj: Sheldon, you busy?
Sheldon: I'm always busy. This mind is capable of advanced multi-tasking. Currently, I'm attempting to solve the Penrose Conjecture, I'm composing my Nobel acceptance speech for when I've solved the Penrose Conjecture, and I'm wondering how mermaids have babies.

Amy: Being your girlfriend is so challenging. Emotionally, physically. I've been incredibly patient for years.
Sheldon: Strongly disagree. Go on.

Leonard: Where is everything?
Sheldon: In my present, it's in the future. In your present, it's been crammed in the bedroom by an enterprising young man I met in The Home Depot parking lot.

Leonard: What about what you said in the restaurant?
Penny: Well, it's not forever. It's just for a while. If you want, we can think of him like he's our dog.
Sheldon: You can. I'm happy when you come home. And I'm scared of fireworks.
And by the way, on July 4th, we're all sleeping here.
Leonard: Fine.

Sheldon: How about you?
Older Woman: I'm married, and I'm her grandmother.
Sheldon: Ah, what might have been.

Amy: I said no.
Sheldon: Interesting. I asked two women out today, and they both said no.
Amy: I didn't know you were interested in dating.
Sheldon: I've been told it's a good way to move on.

Raj: A medium-sized asteroid.
Sheldon: That's it? How common. That's the chicken fingers on the menu of space.
Raj: I kind of like chicken fingers.
Sheldon: Yeah, me, too. I was stuck for a metaphor.

Amy: When did you get an engagement ring?
Sheldon: My mother gave it to me, and I had been thinking about giving it to you, but then we broke up.
Meemaw: Well, thank goodness for that.
Amy: Sheldon, will you please tell your grandmother to stay out of this?
Sheldon: Oh, I don't think I could do that.

Penny: Hi. Sorry. Sheldon would like to say something to you.
Sheldon: No, I wouldn't.
Leonard: Just get in here.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: Go ahead.
Sheldon: Meemaw, look, I'm sorry, but I have to defend my girlfriend to you.
Amy: Oh, Sheldon, thank you.
Sheldon: Oh, great, now you're gonna get emotional. (hands Amy a tissue from Meemaw's sleeve)