Bernadette: Sheldon, I've been cooking all day.
Sheldon: Well, now don't you feel silly.
Bernadette: (To Howard) Show him the closet.

Bernadette: Hey, Romeo. Repair your relationship on your own time!

Raj: All right. I've made up my mind. I'm gonna do the right thing, call this girl, and let her know that I'm in a relationship.
Howard: Okay, so far we've heard, "Made up my mind, I'm dumping Emily."
Bernadette: "Made up my mind to date both of them by pretending to be twin brothers."
Howard: And "Made up my mind, 'll ask for a threesome and if they say no, play it off as a joke."
Raj: I'm calling her. And the threesome didn't deserve the belly laugh it got.
Bernadette: You're right. It could totally happen. (laughing)

Bernadette: I don't know what you think you're doing, but this is a very difficult time for my husband. We're eating the last food his mother ever made. And you are going to throw it at each other like children? Whatever it is you're fighting about, put it aside, go back in there, be a good friend to Howard, or there's no dessert for either of you.

Bernadette: Look at me when I'm tawking to you!

Bernadette: Things going well with you and Sheldon living together?
Amy: Better than ever. He asks about my day, takes an interest in my life. He's like my boyfriend in college, except he's real, so people can see him.
Bernadette: I've been seeing him for years. I'm still not convinced he's real.

Penny: Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises. (inhales, exhales)
Bernadette: Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.
Penny: Oh, thank you.
Bernadette: Go put on some more clothes, you bitch.

Penny: You know, she's my mother-in-law. Why can't I bond with her like that?
Bernadette: Amy's with Sheldon, who she loves like a son. You're with her son, who she doesn't.

Howard: All right, the power supply is reconnected. I think we're back in business. Let's just run a few tests before we take it outside. Sheldon, we got WiFi?
Sheldon: Check.
Howard: GPS?
Raj: Check.
Howard: Battery charged?
Sheldon: Check.
Bernadette: Four hours of our lives gone? Check.

Bernadette: Why don't you want to work with me? I know I can be tough, but that's just 'cause I'm surrounded by useless idiots.

Bernadette: If you think about it, without you he never would have grown into the person he is now. I mean sure, more women may notice him, but I think it's better to have a guy be with you because he wants to be, and not because he doesn't think he has any other choice.
Penny: I never thought about it like that.
Bernadette: Me neither. Not until just now.

Penny: So when was the last time you saw Howard in his astronaut uniform?
Bernadette: About a week ago.
Penny: Really? What was the occasion?
Bernadette: Date night. We do a little role-playing.
Penny: What role do you play?
Bernadette: (Russian accent) I am Ykatarina Nazdorovya, lonely Russian cosmonaut who is expert at physics and making love.
Penny: Okay, that just made the next hour really weird.

Bernadette: I'm worried about Howard. Ever since that guy from the Air Force showed up, he's been a nervous wreck.
Penny: We work at a giant pharmaceutical company. Get him some anti-anxiety meds.
Bernadette: He won't take any pills that aren't chewable and shaped like a Flintstone.

Bernadette: So I should probably explain why I kind of fibbed.
Howard: That would be nice.
Bernadette: I told my dad that you were the one who didn't want kids because I didn't want to disappoint him.
Howard: But you were okay throwing me under the bus?
Bernadette: Turns out yeah, I didn't think twice about it.

Bernadette: Anybody have anything snarky to say about that? Didn't think so.