Sheldon: Of course, there's the other possibility that this date kicks off a rather unpleasant six months of the two of you passing awkwardly in the hall until one of you breaks down and moves to another zip code.
Leonard: You could have stopped at "it could go well."
Sheldon: If I could've, I would've.

Leonard: If I could calm down I wouldn't be having a panic attack, that's why they call it a panic attack.
Sheldon: All right, all right. Well, just sit down. Yes, sit down, now close your eyes.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: Just do it.
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: Now try to increase your alpha-wave activity.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: It's a bio-feedback technique. It's relaxation through brain-wave manipulation. I read a paper about it in the Journal of American Neuroscience. It was a little sparsely sourced but I think the basic science is valid. I probably have it here somewhere.

Penny: So are the rest of the guys meeting us here?
Leonard: Oh, yeah, no. Turns out that Raj and Howard had to work, and Sheldon had a colonoscopy and he hasn't quite bounced back yet.
Penny: Ooh, my uncle just had a colonoscopy.
Leonard: You're kidding. Well, then, that's something we have in common.
Penny: How?
Leonard: We both have people in our lives who ... want to nip intestinal polyps in the bud.

Penny: Okay, well, you know, it's just me. I'm still getting over this break-up with Kurt, and this thing with Doug would be just rebound sex.
Leonard: Ugh, don't get me started on rebound sex.
Penny: It's just, it's my pattern. I break up, then I find some cute guy, and then it's just thirty six meaningless of ... well, you know.
Leonard: I'm not sure that I do. Um, is that one thirty-six hour experience, or is it thirty six hours spread out over say, one ... glorious summer.
Penny: No, it's usually over a weekend, and trust me, you do not feel good after it.
Leonard: Well, chafing, right?
Penny: Emotionally.
Leonard: Of course, yeah, emotional chafing.

Howard: What do you recommend for someone who worked up a man-sized appetite from a morning of weight training and cardio funk?
Penny: A shower.

Howard: I'll take the heart smart platter.
Penny: Alright, thank you, and Sheldon.
Sheldon: We don't eat here. I don't know what's good.
Penny: Well, it's all good.
Sheldon: Statistically unlikely.

Raj: Oh dear.
Howard: What's the matter?
Raj: She didn't take my order.
Howard: How can she take your order when you're too neurotic to talk to her?
Raj: Nevertheless, this will be reflected in her tip.

Leonard: What did Penny mean, you'd make a cute couple?
Sheldon: Well I assume she meant that the two of you together would constitute a couple that others might consider cute. An alternate, and somewhat less likely interpretation, is that you could manufacture one. As in, oh look, Leonard and Leslie made Mr. and Mrs. Goldfarb, aren't they adorable.

Penny: Alright, look, a tie on the doorknob usually means someone doesn't want to be disturbed because they’re, you know, getting busy.
Sheldon: So you're saying Leonard has a girl in there.
Penny: Well, either that or he's lost his tie rack and gotten really into Bryan Adams.

Sheldon: Do you realise I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your booty call?
Leonard: You know what, I'm being ridiculous. Who cares what Penny thinks? Leslie is a terrific girl. She's attractive, we like each other, she's extremely intelligent.
Sheldon: She's not that intelligent.
Leonard: She fixed your equation.
Sheldon: She got lucky.
Leonard: You don't believe in luck.
Sheldon: I don't have to believe in it for her to be lucky.

Leonard: Hey, why don't you tell me about your showcase last night?
Penny: Oh, it was okay, I guess. Wasn't a big turnout, but they both really seemed to like it.
Leonard: There were only two people there?
Penny: By the end, yeah.

Penny: Alright, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent, but I didn't get it and I couldn't figure out why?
Sheldon: I have a conclusion based on an observation.
Leonard: No, you don't. No he doesn't.

Sheldon: Never mind. I clearly woke you up in the middle of a REM cycle. You're in no state to talk.

Sheldon: Remember how Leonard told you we couldn't come to your performance because we were attending a symposium on molecular positronium?
Penny: I remember symposium.
Sheldon: Yes, well, he lied.
Penny: Wait, what?
Sheldon: He lied, and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about it.
Penny: Well imagine how I'm feeling.
Sheldon: Hungry? Tired? I'm sorry this really isn't my strong suit.

Leonard: You told her I lied? Why would you tell her I lied?
Sheldon: To help you.
Leonard: I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the help.
Sheldon: She was going to see through your lie eventually, so I told her that you were lying to protect me.
Leonard: Oh, I'm getting a bad feeling.
Sheldon: Hunger? Indigestion? I'm sorry. I'm really not very good at this.