Howard: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Yes.
Howard: Go away.
Sheldon: Did Leonard tell you to say that?
Howard: No, I thought of it all by myself.
Sheldon: Huh. It can't be a coincidence. There must be some causal link I'm missing.

Raj: Go away!
Sheldon: Curiouser and curiouser.

Howard: (Entering the apartment) Is he here?
Leonard: If he were, I wouldn't be.

Leonard: He'll never be able to cope with the fact that some fifteen year-old kid is smarter and more accomplished than he is.
Raj: Well, what if something were to happen to this boy so he was no longer a threat to Sheldon?
Howard: Then our problem would be solved.
Leonard: Hang on, are we talking about murdering Dennis Kim? ... I'm not saying no.

Howard: The only thing we need to do is make this Kim kid lose his focus.
Leonard: That won't happen, he's not interested in anything but physics.
Howard: What about biology?
Leonard: What?
Howard: You know, biology? The one thing that can completely derail a world class mind.

Leonard: Howard, he's fifteen.
Howard: Yeah, so, when I was fifteen I met Denise Palmeri and my grade point average fell from a 5.0 to a 1.8.
Raj: She was sleeping with you?
Howard: No, I just wasted a lot of time thinking about what it would be like if she did.

Penny: (Opening her apartment door) Oh, hey guys, what's up?
Howard: We need a hot fifteen year-old Asian girl with a thing for smart guys.
Penny: What?
Leonard: Howard, that's racist. Any fifteen year-old girl will do the trick. (Penny slams the door.)
Raj: It's possible she may have misunderstood us.

Dr. Gablehauser: Why are all these young women here?
Leonard: It's take your daughter to work day.
Dr. Gablehauser:: Really? I was not aware of that.
Raj: Oh, yes. There was a very official email that was sent to everyone whose insurance files indicated they had daughters between the ages of 14 and 16.

Howard: A time machine from the movie The Time Machine?
Leonard: No, a time machine from Sophie's Choice.
Raj: Boy, Sophie could have used a time machine in that movie. Did you see it? It's rough.

Howard: It's actually a tremendous bargain, even with shipping it works out to less than four dollars a pound.
Raj: Cocktail shrimp are $12.50.

Sheldon: I don't know what you were worried about. I think it really works in the room.
Leonard: Yeah. It is by far the coolest thing I have ever owned.
Sheldon: The exact time machine that carried actor Rod Taylor from Victorian England into the post-apocalyptic future, which society had splintered into two factions: the sub-terranean Morlocks, who survived by feasting on the flesh of the gentle surface dwelling Eloy.
Howard: Talk about your chick magnets.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, I know we said we'd take turns, but I think youd agree that practicality dictates it remain here.
Howard: You can't just keep it here. What if I meet a girl and say, "you wanna come up and see my time machine, it's at my friends house," how lame is that?

Sheldon: Alright, I think we're going to need some ground rules. In addition to the expected no shoes in the time machine and no eating in the time machine, I propose that we add pants must be worn at all times in the time machine.
Leonard: Seconded.
Howard: I was going to put down a towel.

Sheldon: Oh, I have a solution. First go into the future and obtain a cloaking device.
Raj: Ooh, how far into the future?
Sheldon: If I remember correctly, Captain Kirk will steal a cloaking device from the Romulans on Stardate 5027.3, which will be January 10th 2328 by pre-federation reckoning.
Leonard: Okay, I am setting the dials for January 10th, 2328.

Penny: Okay, first of all, what you call a gap was nearly three feet wide, I slipped and skinned my knee.
Leonard: Are you okay?
Penny: Second of all, the door to the stairwell of the other building was locked, so I had to go down the fire escape which ends on the third floor, forcing me to crawl through the window of a lovely Armenian family, who insisted I stay for lunch.
Leonard: That doesn't sound too bad.
Penny: It was eight courses of lamb, and they tried to fix me up with their son.