Sheldon: All right, either blow your nose or teach it to play "Camptown Races."

Sheldon: Can you stop breathing so loud? I can hear your nose whistling.
Amy: I can hear your face talking, so we're even.

Sheldon: Yeah, boy, if good ideas came out of your brain the way mucus comes out of your nose, we'd be in good shape.

Leonard: I mean, I'm glad they're getting along, but it's starting to make me uncomfortable.
Bernadette: Well, are you worried he's like another man in her life?
Leonard: A little, until I saw them in matching tops.

Howard: Nice. 174 diapers. That ought to get us to Wednesday.

Amy: So, shall we get to work?
Sheldon: Biology and physics coming together. This is like the peanut butter cup of the mind. Ooh, I know what I want my treat to be.

Amy: Number three. To avoid getting frustrated, we take built-in breaks and reward our successes with a small treat.
Sheldon: Ooh, that sounds fun. Now, we're talking about real treats, right? Not Bible verses like my mother used to give me.
Amy: Whatever you want.

Amy: Look at that.
Sheldon: Yes, this is remarkable.
Amy: So we're agreed: it's complete garbage.
Sheldon: By the way, your name can go first.

Leonard: Oh, it's just nice to be with people who are happy to have me around. Isn't that right, Halley?
*Halley starts crying*
Howard: Well, at least someone had the courage to say it.

Sheldon: Number two: when we publish, my name goes first. Oh, subsequently, if we win any awards, I speak first. I don't want to be talking when the orchestra plays us off.

Sheldon: I believe I've made some progress on our ground rules.
Amy: Oh, good. What are they?
Sheldon: Okay, uh, number one: in matters of physics, I have the final say. In matters of neuroscience, you have the final say. Unless I disagree.

Penny: Okay, how is that?
Raj: I can actually feel the toxins being pulled out of my skin.
Penny: Well, this is a moisturizing mask.
Raj: Oh, well, then I can actually feel the moisture going into my skin.

Leonard: I mean, they didn't say anything, but I just kind of felt like I was being a weird third wheel.
Howard: Huh, so you can tell what that feels like. Interesting.

Amy: You know, we've never collaborated professionally before. Are you worried it might affect our relationship?
Sheldon: That is a valid point. Perhaps we should establish some ground rules.
Amy: Well, that would make me feel better.
Sheldon: All right, let's start right now. Uh, rule number one, no using sexuality to get your way.
Amy: That's a ridiculous rule.
Sheldon: Is it? (Sheldon flaunts his posterior as he walks away)

Penny: I bet Jennifer gets a promotion out of this, which is so unfair because I work twice as hard as she does.
Raj: Don't worry, Jerry won't be fooled by that type of behavior.
Leonard: Jerry?
Raj: It didn't work for Randy, it didn't work for Tina, it sure as hell isn't gonna work for Jennifer.
Penny: Well, I hope not. I just hate when people play those kinds of games.
Leonard: Tina?
Raj: With your sales record, you have nothing to worry about.
Penny: Mm.
Leonard: I went to your office Christmas party?