Penny: Hey, Raj, do you want to go with me tomorrow?
Raj: Are you asking because you want me there or out of pity? Actually, never mind, don't answer. I'd love to.

Penny: Hey, Leonard, if you're not busy tomorrow, I have to do a little reception after work.
Leonard: Oh, I would, but we need to make a push on the air force project.
Penny: Oh, are you sure? We're celebrating our new A.D.D. drug, and it'll probably be over in, like, six minutes.

Raj: Genius. I was gonna say, "Why does anyone think Sheldon's a genius?" But I didn't.

Leonard: I'm sorry, what is this plan you have?
Sheldon: Well, I'm not needed at both places at the same time. And I can also free up extra hours with simple tricks, such as using a minimal amount of words to convey my point.
Leonard: When does that start?
Sheldon: Soon. See, I could've said "in the near future," but I didn't say "in the near future," 'cause "in the near future" is three more words than "soon." "In" one, "the" two, "near" three, "future" four. See "in the near future" is four, "soon" is just one, four is more than one; saving time already.

Sheldon: And for your information, the summer conference on algebraic topology at Caltech is nerd prom.

Amy: "Number three: Fair topics for insult include educational pedigree, scientific field, intellectual prowess, and mamas."
Sheldon: Yeah, that list is strong. Like your mother's urge to be promiscuous with sailors.

Amy: We're finally making progress. I wish we could do it without fighting.
Sheldon: What if the fighting is the reason we're making progress?
Amy: I suppose it's conceivable that the hormones associated with our fight-or-flight response could be sharpening our cognitive processes.
Sheldon: Well, if that's the case, then your grandparents mumble and have bad posture.

Sheldon: It seems we have a choice to make. Abandon all ground rules in the name of science, or give up collaborating for the sake of our relationship.
Amy: There's only one clear choice.
Sheldon: Science it is.
Amy: No, you bonehead!
Sheldon: Name-calling, that is perfect. Now, when I get to this equation here, really let me have it. You know? If it helps, I'm not the sharpest dresser.

Leonard: Hey, Olsen twins!
Penny: What?
Leonard: Well, I mean, I'm sitting right here. You're talking about my feelings and somehow leaving me out of the conversation.

Amy: "Revised ground rule number two: There are definitely stupid questions. And those who ask them can be told so right to their stupid face."
Sheldon: I love that one.
Amy: Thanks, babe.

Sheldon: Can you read them back?
Amy: "Revised ground rule number one: We are on the same team, but it is a competition."
Sheldon: Excellent. Excellent. And on a related point, you're going down, punk.

Leonard: I'm sure I'm overreacting.
Bernadette: You're entitled to feel how you feel. If you don't like it, you should just talk to her.
Leonard: I don't want to sound like a jealous baby.
Bernadette: Oh, then maybe you shouldn't talk to her.

Howard: You should be happy someone wants to do the stuff with Penny you don't want to.
Bernadette: Yeah, I wish I had that with Howard.
Howard: Wait. What? What do I make you do?
Bernadette: Let's see: the magic store, the Doctor Who convention, the National Belt Buckle Collector's meet and greet.
Howard: It said right there on the invitation, "Buckle up for fun." It's not my fault you didn't listen.

Leonard: You know, it's nice to spend time with people who don't talk about work like it's some kind of soap opera.
Bernadette: Jennifer still trying to sleep her way to the top?
Leonard: (deflated) Yeah.

Sheldon: Can you stop breathing so loud? I can hear your nose whistling.
Amy: I can hear your face talking, so we're even.