Howard: I'm not even sure that's possible.
Colonel Williams: Well, I ran it by some colleagues at MIT, and they thought they could get it done in four months.
Howard: Four months?
Sheldon: Yeah, we'll do it in two! (laughs) Hi, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I'm the actual brains behind this project. Also, engineers aren't real scientists, MIT's a trade school, and the Death Star is from Star Wars, not Star Trek! But otherwise, thank you for your service.

Amy: Hi. Howard told me you were working late, so I brought dinner.
Bernadette: Oh, thanks. You know, I just wanted to get some work done without people congratulating me about the baby every five minutes.
Amy: I spent my day alone in the lab waiting for a rat to die of anthrax.
Bernadette: Did you come here to bring me dinner or to gloat?

Amy: I am really regretting that I got you a Happy Meal.

Bernadette: I've worked so hard to get where I am, and I don't want to get sent back to square one because I'm pregnant.
Amy: I understand how you feel.
Bernadette: Thank you.
Amy: I wish there were some way I could make it better.
Bernadette: Well, you brought me French fries. That's a start.
Amy: Uh, actually, I got you apple slices 'cause you're pregnant.

Penny: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard's mad at me, so I'm making him lemon bars.
Penny: Does he even like lemon bars?
Sheldon: Not really. But I'm mad at him, too, so lemon bars it is.

Colonel Williams: So, which one of you is the brains behind all this?
Howard: It's a group effort, but I guess if we had to pick a main brain, it would be me.
(Sheldon whimpers)

Colonel Williams: And because of the quantum vortices, this can run perpetually?
Leonard: Exactly. Yeah, you have a good grasp of the physics.
Colonel Williams: Well, I'm a scientist by training.
Howard: Really? You're a physicist?
Colonel Williams: Better. I'm an engineer.
(Sheldon stops himself from speaking)

Leonard: Where did you go to school?
Colonel Williams: MIT.
Howard: Well, hey, me, too.
Colonel Williams: I should have known. Behind every great invention is an MIT mind.
(Sheldon gasps, but controls himself)

Colonel Williams: I'll cut to the chase. The Air Force believes there's an application for this technology, and we're interested in funding your research.
Howard: Well, thanks, but you should know we're a little concerned about this being used in weapons.
Colonel Williams: Oh, well, let me put your mind at ease. What we use it for is none of your business.

Colonel Williams: All you need to worry about is, right now, it's (wide gesture) this big, and we need it to be (small gesture) this big.
Leonard: That's a lot less big.
Colonel Williams: Yes, it's (wide gesture) this much less big.

Penny: Okay, all right, honey, you know what? There was something I was too scared to tell you yesterday, a-and now I'm just balls-out terrified to tell you, but the truth is it wasn't Barbara Chen, it was me. I'm the reason everyone knows.

Penny: Oh, you know, I also lied about the girl in the bathroom. Yeah, we actually dumped her retainer in the toilet and put it back in her mouth.

Sheldon: I don't understand why I can't talk at this meeting.
Leonard: 'Cause when you talk, it enrages people.

Sheldon: Okay, quick question. Am I allowed to exchange pleasantries upon meeting this colonel?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Am I allowed to inform him that Colonel Sanders was never actually in the military?
Leonard: I'm getting enraged.

Sheldon: Ooh, can I use text-to-speech software?
Howard: No!
Leonard: Don't speak.
Sheldon's phone: (electronic male voice) Aw, nuts.