Sheldon: Now, when the robots rise up, they'll know that I've been rooting for them the whole time.

Raj: Maybe I'll just play the field.
Howard: Yeah, the field was just here. The field said no.

Sheldon: Of course you're fine. Not every member of a species finds a mate. Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin. Look at the contributions he made.
Raj: I'm not a virgin, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Wha- So now you think you're better than Isaac Newton?

Leonard: Penny's gonna call her dad and tell him it's not a good time for Randall to visit.
Penny: Hopefully, he won't be too upset.
Leonard: Oh, you're his little girl. He can't stay mad at you.
Penny: He won't be mad at me. I mean, you're the one who doesn't want my brother to come, so-
Leonard: So you're gonna throw me under the bus?
Penny: Oh, I'm gonna throw you so hard, I might actually win a stuffed animal.

Penny: You know, how is this any different from you making me live with Sheldon?
Sheldon: Hey! I shared my Honey Nut Cheerios with you.
Penny: You gave me a bill at the end of every month.

Leonard: What's going on with that woman you're dating?
Raj: I broke up with her.
Leonard: Why?
Raj: She said she didn't want to see me any more and I found that insulting.

Leonard: He really worked with the Drug Enforcement Agency?
Penny: He didn't know it 'til he was cuffed, but yeah.

Leonard: What's going on with your brother?
Penny: My dad asked if I can get him a job interview at my work.
Leonard: Huh. Is that a good idea? I mean, you think they'll consider someone who was in prison for selling drugs?
Penny: Well, I sell pharmaceuticals. That's just a really hard to spell word for drugs.
Leonard: Well, I'm sure he'll appreciate carrying his samples in a briefcase instead of his colon.

Howard: Yeah, got to get her hooked on TV, or someday, she'll want me to play outside.

Amy: Aww, I remember signing our first Relationship Agreement.
Sheldon: You seem to be forgetting the "no nostalgia" clause.

Leonard: I would pull this car over and kick you out, but if Penny dumps me, you're all I got.

Sheldon: At our age, why don't we call it man's night?
Leonard: Because we just spent our allowance on comic books.

Penny: Pink wine and pizza bagels? It's like eighth grade all over again.

Penny: Is it normal for the husband to kind of completely stop giving a crap?
Bernadette: Uh-oh, what's going on?
Penny: Well, Leonard used to do all these things, like bring me flowers and wear pants.

Bernadette: How can she hate me? I make her food in my chest! It's like hating a frozen yogurt machine.