Sheldon: So they're both trying to make each other happy, and the end result is they make each other sad? That's hilarious.

Sheldon: Two years ago I got my driver's license.
Amy: What? Why didn't you say anything?!
Sheldon: I like being chauffeured around. It makes me feel important.
Amy: So when I got up at 4:00 AM to drive you across the desert to an antique train museum, I didn't have to?
Sheldon: No, you didn't. But keep in mind, I felt extremely important.

Bert: I met her on G-Harmony. That's a Web site for geologists to find love.
Amy: That's a real thing?
Bert: Yeah. Their slogan is "We're all about dating and not the carbon-14 kind".

Amy: We should go say hi.
Sheldon: Why?
Amy: Because that's what you do when you see someone you know in a public place.
Sheldon: I have multiple restraining orders that say otherwise.
Amy: Sheldon, there's a difference between greeting a friend and following a celebrity into a bathroom.
Sheldon: If the judge couldn't explain it to me, I don't see how you will.

Bernadette: When you moved here, you didn't have a lot of money. How'd you get by?
Penny: Well, sometimes you can get free food and Wi-Fi from the neighbors. Just know you might have to marry one of 'em.

Sheldon: Well, wait. This is our first fight as a couple who live together.
Amy: So?
Sheldon: I'm not sure of the protocol. Television teaches us that the man's supposed to sleep on the couch, but of the two of us, you're clearly more sofa-sized.
Amy: I'm not sleeping on the couch 'cause you don't know what's private and what's not.

Amy: What is this?
Sheldon: I'm mapping basic topics of conversation and with whom they can be discussed.
I call these circles "Zones of Privacy". Don't Google that unless you want to see pictures of people's genitals.

Dr. Koothrappali: You're an adult who can't get by without an allowance from his parents. Women don't want that.
Raj: What are you saying, that you're giving up on me? What kind of father gives up on his son?
Dr. Koothrappali: I have six children, five of whom are married and self-sufficient. I don't think I'm the problem.

Bert: Well, I really envy your relationship. Other than you two only having sex once a year, you're the perfect couple.

Amy: Actually, we met online. Our first date was at a coffee shop.
Sheldon: Although, unlike your date, she actually showed up. Oh, he looks sad again.

Amy: Is there anything we can do?
Bernadette: Sure. Open up a college fund, shop for life insurance, and in the laundry room, there's a mountain of dirty laundry. Wash it or burn in, your choice.

Bernadette: Stuart, don't you drink my milk!

Sheldon: Leonard, in the world of theoretical physics, you never finish; so much is unprovable.
But when I was studying that railway guide, it was so tangible and so satisfying that something just clicked. Then it clacked. Then it clicked, then it clacked, click-clack clickety-clack, and here we are. Whoo-whoo!

Howard: How'd you even get that up the stairs?
Sheldon: I said to myself, "I think I can, I think I can." And then I couldn't, so I paid two men who promised not to come rob us later.

Penny: You guys ready to get crazy?
Amy: Well, the bra under here ain't beige.