Beverly Hofstadter: I don't see why I should have to watch your father parade around with some Bible-thumping bumpkin.
Sheldon: Oh. Excuse me, that is my mother you're talking about, however accurately.

Alfred Hofstadter:: If I may, I can assure you, your mother and I did nothing more than share a cab and a conversation.
Sheldon: Did that conversation include the phrase "your genitals are a joy to behold"?

Bernadette: I now pronounce you husband and wife. And weird other husband who came with the apartment.

Sheldon: Why do people cry at weddings?
Mary Cooper: They're practicing for what's coming later.

Sheldon: Do you think your father's doing unspeakable things to my mother?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Are you saying that because the things are unspeakable?
Penny: Your parents are old. Anything unspeakable was finished by 9:30.

Sheldon: Leonard? Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You realize you and I could become brothers.
Leonard: We're not gonna be brothers. We're not gonna be step brothers. Go to sleep.
Sheldon: I hope you're right. 'Cause a grown man living with his brother and his brother's wife is weird.

Sheldon: So, did you defile my mother or not?