Leonard: I'll give it a go. My ride home with you was hellish.

Penny: Okay, what is going on?
Sheldon: Well, ever since Amy started working with Howard, she hasn't been home.
Penny: Didn't that just start this morning?
Sheldon: And has she been home?

Raj: I came to see how you were doing. Like, uh, do you need help with anything?
Bernadette: Oh, thank you. There are a few things around the house that I've been waiting for Howard to get to. The smoke alarms-
Raj: No, I meant emotionally. How are you feeling?
Bernadette: Like you're not really here to help me.

Bernadette: Everything's fine. Howard's really excited about his work, he's been in a great mood I'm really proud of him.
Raj: And I can fit into the pants I wore in high school. Come on, we don't need to lie to each other.
Bernadette: You're right. I have a teething baby, I'm pregnant, I have a proposal due tomorrow. I don't have time to hear about how much you're missing my husband.
Raj: Well, I think I know why he's been working so late.

Amy: Hi.
Sheldon: Welcome home. How was work?
Amy: Great. Howard had an idea for-
Sheldon: (waving his hand dismissively) That's enough about work.

Sheldon: I got you a little something to help you relax.
Amy: Sheldon, that is the sweetest, most- What what is this?
Sheldon: The notes from our quantum cognition project. I thought we could spend the evening grinding away on it.
Amy: (sighs) I just got home, I'm tired.
Sheldon: Of Howard, I know. So how about you and me make some beautiful science together?
Amy: Sheldon, I want to work on this with you, just not tonight. What if we get up early and do it in the morning? I promise, I'll be way more into it.
Sheldon: You know what? There was a time that you would've been happy to stay up and collaborate all night with me. And then wake up in the morning and do it some more.
Amy: (sighs) Fine, but can we make it quick?
Sheldon: No. If you're just gonna make me do all the work, then go to bed. But don't be surprised if you walk out here and catch me doing it myself.

Leonard: Ahh, Sheldon's texting me to drive him to Bernadette's.
Penny: Well, what are you gonna say?
Leonard: Well, they did just introduce the middle finger emoji. If it's not for this, I don't know what it's for.

Penny: Maybe there's something in the book that will help.
Leonard: Worth a shot.
Penny: Okay. Let's see, let's see. "Biting other children"?
Leonard: Well, sometimes, but problem for another day.

Penny: Here we go. "Let him have ownership of his choices. Allow him to choose from options that are acceptable to you."
Leonard: All right, I'll give it a try. "I can drive you in two hours or you can take an Uber"
Penny: Good. See, now he feels like he has a choice.
Leonard: Huh. (phone chimes) He's gonna take an Uber.
Penny: Wow, it worked.
Leonard: Unless he bites the driver, yeah.

Sheldon: And now they're working on a Saturday? Can you believe them? Like, is this how you envisioned your weekend?
Bernadette: No, it is not.

Sheldon: This whole thing is maddening.
Bernadette: I'm really busy. I don't have time to listen to you complain.
Sheldon: Hey! You're complaining, too. "Sheldon, why are you here?" "Sheldon, the applesauce is for the baby."

Bernadette: What do you want?
Sheldon: I just wish I could make Howard feel as angry as I'm feeling.
Bernadette: Well, maybe you could do something he likes and make him jealous.
Sheldon: Like what?
Bernadette: Have you ever read Tom Sawyer?
Sheldon: No.
Bernadette: Chores. He likes chores.
Sheldon: Ooh. What kind of chores?
Bernadette: Well, you could change the batteries in the smoke detectors. That would drive him crazy.
Sheldon: That's great. Oh, he'll be so mad smoke will be coming out of his ears. And then the smoke detectors will detect it.

Sheldon: Wait, wait, now, hold on. Why'd you ask me about Tom Sawyer?
Bernadette: I'm just interested in you.
Sheldon: Well, you are sweeter than your applesauce.

Howard: You think that's impressive, take apart that brain model.
Amy: Oh my God, three of clubs. That was my card! How did you?
Howard: I used to make it appear in my pants, but HR said I had to stop doing that.

Raj: You say you're busy as bees, yet here you are, dancing. Although I suppose bees do dance, but their dance lets other bees know where the pollen is, and yours does not. So my logic, despite that slight detour, does track.