Amy: Is there anything I can do to help?
Sheldon: Yes. I want you to be in charge of our wedding. Just you tell me where and when, and I will show up with a boutonnire and close-toed shoes and a a Star Trek uniform underneath my tuxedo. That last part is non-negotiable.

Amy: Are you sure that's what you want?
Sheldon: As sure as I'm about to go bathe in Purell.

Sheldon: I call this meeting of the Council of Sheldons to order. Let's take roll. Science Sheldon?
Science Sheldon: Present.
Sheldon: Texas Sheldon?
Texas Sheldon: Howdy.
Sheldon: Fanboy Sheldon?
Fanboy Sheldon: Greetings.
Sheldon: Germaphobe Sheldon?
Germaphobe Sheldon: Say it, don't spray it.
Humorous Sheldon: Where's Jock Sheldon?
Sheldon: Not the time, Humorous Sheldon!

Sheldon: Okay, new business. Do we grant Laid-back Sheldon a seat on the council?
Laid-back Sheldon: Hey, whatever you guys want. I'm just chillin' like Bob Dylan.

Amy: The university has been throwing money at my study. With any luck, there'll be a brain disease with my name on it.
Bernadette: Fingers crossed.
Amy: Which is ironic, because if you had Fowler's palsy, you wouldn't be able to cross your fingers.

Amy: The more I told him about my lab, the pissier he got. You know what he said to me? He said, "I hope all your correlations turn out to be specious."
Bernadette: He said that to your face? What a dick.

Bernadette: You know, there's so much money in pharmaceuticals, we don't even wash out our old test tubes. We just throw 'em out and get new ones.
Amy: I just got a brand new, state-of-the-art fMRI machine.
Bernadette: Whoa, those things are so expensive.
Amy: I know! Sometimes I just lie down in there and take a nap. It's like a million dollar bunk bed.

Bernadette: At the office, I have two assistants! I don't even know their names. I just call them Thing 1 and Thing 2.
Amy: I don't have assistants.
Bernadette: I guess that's one of the benefits of being in the private sector. That and all the money I make!

Amy: Yeah, you've got that. I've got my integrity. Hard to say which one is better without making you feel bad. I may not be making as much money as you, but at least I'm doing something that I know makes people's lives better.
Bernadette: Hey! My work makes peoples lives better. Especially if you have moderate to severe eczema and don't mind if you lose teeth.

Amy: You're right. We both do important work. I'm trying to map the structures of the brain and you're trying to convince people that itchy hair is a real thing.
Bernadette: It is a real thing! It happens to be a side effect of our cholesterol drug.

Amy: I'm just saying that my research may actually change the world forever.
Bernadette: I hope it does. 'Cause I'm going to see that world from a yacht so big you could land a helicopter on it!

Howard: We're going to see Richard Feynman. Penny, Richard Feynman is an iconic phys-
Penny: I know who he is. Leonard dressed as him for Halloween last year.

Sheldon: Uh, One dumpling left. Who wants it?
Amy: Maybe you should offer it to the pregnant lady.
Sheldon: And that would be..?
Bernadette: Me, Sheldon. I'm obviously pregnant.
Sheldon: Well, you never said it to my face. And the last time I assumed a woman was pregnant, it did not go over well.
Penny: Yeah, I'm still mad at you.
Sheldon: You were drinking water instead of wine. What was I supposed to think?

Raj: Sheldon's right. I would never ask a woman if she was pregnant, unless she tells me or I see a human being wiggling out of her.

Bernadette: Well, Sheldon, I'm pregnant.
Sheldon: Congratulations. How far along are you?
Bernadette: About three months.
Sheldon: Only three? Good gravy, how many babies are in there?