Raj: They're my friends, and I should be happy for them. And I'm trying, but all I feel is this gnawing, empty sensation in my gut.
Stuart: I had that once. Turned out it was a tapeworm.
Raj: Cool.

Raj: It's just it's hard talking to my other friends about this, but I knew you would understand.
Stuart: Why is that?
Raj: Because you and I are both alone, which is actually kind of comforting, because at least we can be alone together.
Stuart: Mm. This is, this is awkward. I, um, I was actually gonna close up a little early tonight 'cause I have a date.
Raj: Really?
Stuart: Yeah.
Raj: (clears throat) Forgive me if I'm having trouble being happy for you.
Stuart: Don't be silly, I'm loving your pain.

Sheldon: Those people were in the presence of a world-class mind, and all they wanted to talk about was their own nonsense.
Stephen Hawking: Can you see the irony in that statement? How about now? How about now? I'll wait.

Sheldon: You know, no offense, but your colleagues were pretty rude.
Amy: Really, they were rude?
Sheldon: Yes. They just kept talking about you and how great you are, no matter how many times I brought me up.

Amy: You know what, Sheldon? You're not always the smartest person in every room. You may not even be the smartest person in this room.
Sheldon: Oh, I am sorry. What, is Neil deGrasse Tyson hiding behind the couch? 'Cause if he is, he's not that smart, it's pretty dusty back there.

Sheldon: Hey, where are you going?
Amy: I'm storming off to my room.
Sheldon: Well, then where am I supposed to storm off to?
Amy: Well, you're so smart, why don't you figure it out? (door closes)
Sheldon: Is there another bedroom? Perhaps a-a den?

Bernadette: Obviously, it was a surprise. There was some crying and some yelling.
Howard: Some suggestion of make-up sex that did not go over well, even though it's not like we can get more pregnant.

Bernadette: But then we realized that it's a gift, in the sense that we didn't ask for it, and we may not have chosen it-
Howard: And we already have one.

Amy: This is my fiance, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. That's the first time I've said that and it kind of gave me the goose bumps.

Dr. Harris: Amy, I recently read your paper on lesions in the olfactory receptors in the brain. It was inspired.
Amy: Oh, well, I guess it didn't stink. But if it did, that rat wouldn't have known it.

Dr. Zane: I'm sorry, I'm sure you don't want to sit here and listen to a bunch of work talk.
Sheldon: Oh, no, I love it. No, but let's talk about work. Amy's work, my work. Yeah, why don't we start with my work?

Dr. Harris: Actually, I do have a question for Dr. Cooper. When Amy first told you about her approach to synaptic tracing, did you think it was gonna revolutionize the field?
Sheldon: Really? That's your question? What are you, Entertainment Tonight?

Sheldon: You know what? Let me give you a better question. Here, um, "Dr. Cooper, "I heard you were working on a top-secret project "for the U.S. military. Why don't you tell us about that?" See, that's a great question.
Dr. Harris: Okay, what was that like?
Sheldon: Oh, I can't tell you that, it's top-secret.

Raj: Hello, Ramona.
Ramona Nowitzki: Mm. Hello.
Raj: Why are you sitting by yourself? Oh, that's right, Sheldon's in New Jersey being engaged to Amy.
Ramona Nowitzki: I heard.
Raj: Now that Sheldon's out of the picture, I could give you one more chance to go out with me.
Ramona Nowitzki: Nope, I'm good.
Raj: You sure? I will not ask again.
Ramona Nowitzki: I sincerely hope not.
Raj: Very well. I'm going to leave before this gets awkward.

Howard: Hey. Want me to make dinner?
Bernadette: Uh, sure, but first, why don't you have a seat? There's something I need to show you.
Howard: Ooh, if it's how to make dinner, that'd be great.