Penny: Sweetie, you just need to relax. You know what I like to do?
Sheldon: Numb your brain with alcohol and watch a reality show where wealthy people pick fake arguments with each other?
Penny: Hey, don't knock it until you've wasted a couple hundred hours of your life.

Penny: Sheldon, maybe you don't know what to do because Amy's always taking care of you.
Sheldon: Of course. And by calming down, I've taken away the one thing that gives her comfort: caring for me.
Penny: That's what you heard?
Sheldon: Yes. I need to have an emotional meltdown so she's forced to focus on me and forget about herself.
Leonard: No. Th-That's not even close to what-- Uh, you know, actually, that might be your best move.

Amy: [inner monologue] Wow, this is really dark. There's no difference between my eyes being open or closed. Open, closed. Open, clo- Nope, same thing.

Amy: So apparently, if we win, I'll be the fourth woman ever to win a Nobel in physics.
Penny: Wow, that's a big deal.
Amy: Yeah, tell me about it. This morning, I blew through my antiperspirant in, like, an hour.

Howard: Hey. You still mad?
Bernadette: Are you still a jackass?

Howard: Are your eyes closed?
Raj: Yes. What is it? Show me.
Howard: Okay, open them.
Raj: You bought me a scooter?! No, I bought me a scooter!
Raj: Then why did you make me close my eyes?
Howard: I wanted to see the expression on your face when you saw how happy I was.

Sheldon: That tank was amazing. It was like Disneyland, but the rides were in 35 dimensions. And instead of Mickey, I had my picture taken with the concept that time is an illusion.

Bernadette: What if you fell? What if you got hurt? I don't want to raise two small children and one large vegetable.

Bebe: Okay, just a heads up. People have different experiences in the tanks. Uh, some people experience perfect calm. Some people sleep. Some people even reported having visions. But if at any time you feel uncomfortable, just press the panic button and say, "Bebe."
Sheldon: [laughs] That's a stupid word.
Bebe: That's my name.
Penny: What do we push if we feel uncomfortable?

Bernadette: I can't believe you were sneaking around my back like a child.
Howard: I just didn't want you to worry.
Bernadette: No, you just didn't want to get caught.
Howard: I'm sorry, but you telling me what I can and can't do is pretty damn emasculating.
Bernadette: Emasculating? You were about to ride bitch on a moped with another man.

Sheldon: Amy. Thank goodness you're home. I don't know if you can tell, but I am literally losing my mind.
Amy: You are?
Sheldon: Isn't it obvious? I just used "literally" figuratively. Like a crazy person.

Sheldon: [inner monologue] Look all the infinite Mandelbrot sets. Here a brot, there a brot, everywhere a Mandelbrot.

Amy: Plus, Sheldon's freaking out 'cause we got in trouble.
Leonard: Well, I've got him distracted for a while.
Penny: Doesn't he know how to solve those?
Leonard: Normally, yes, but I switched the stickers around, so I don't even think it's possible to solve-
Sheldon: Solved it.
Leonard: What? No, you didn't.
Sheldon: Not the cube, but the puzzle of why I couldn't solve the cube. Solution: you switched stickers 2, 9, 32, and 51.
Penny: Really? This thing has numbers?
Sheldon: Anything has a number if you assign it a number, friend number four.
Leonard: Top five, not bad.

Sheldon: [inner monologue] Hmm, this is nice. It's sort of like floating in space. But better because my eyeballs haven't frozen.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, but this is, it's hard for me.Usually I self-soothe by doing science, but now science reminds me of the Nobel Prize and the idea that we may not win one, and that makes me angry, which makes me want to self-soothe by doing science, and on and on and on.
Amy: So that's been my today.