Howard: Hey, would you mind if Raj and I went away this weekend?
Bernadette: Well, it is important for you two to keep the spark alive.

Penny: Dad, uh, come on in, sit down. Can I get you something to drink? Maybe a beer?
Wyatt: Sure, if you're having one.
Penny: Okay.
Wyatt: And why wouldn't you, since you're not pregnant?
Penny: Um. Leonard wants to have a baby with my ex-boyfriend Zack.
Leonard: How 'bout those Cornhuskers?

Leonard: Hey, Wyatt.
Wyatt: Leonard. Hey, that's a hell of a handshake.
Leonard: Ah, well, you know, I've been taking vitamins.

Penny: Okay, that's my dad. Now, remember, do not bring up any baby stuff, all right? Not me not wanting one, not you having one with Zack.
Leonard: Got it.
Penny: And if he brings it up, change the subject to literally anything else.
Leonard: I got it.
Penny: But not the Cornhuskers. Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
Leonard: Is that a sports team?
Penny: Never mind, you're good.

Penny: What are those?
Leonard: Oh, vitamins. Zack wants me to take them to increase my virility.
Penny: Zack used the word "virility"?
Leonard: He may have said "wiener power."

Raj: So, this week would have been my wedding if Anu and I hadn't decided to slow things down.
Howard: Oh, yeah, I would have forgotten, except for those nonrefundable airline tickets to India I bought.
Raj: I'm sorry.
Howard: No, no. What's $3,000 between friends? Yeah, I probably would've just thrown it away on health care for my children.

Howard: But I've done this before. And since you really, really want to go, I'll stay here.
Bernadette: Oh. Great.
Howard: Unless you don't want to because I was right and I do know you.
Bernadette: Well, if you really know me, then you know how far I'll go to prove a point.
Howard: Apparently, 34,000 feet that way, then straight back down, up and down, over and over again until you throw up food you didn't even eat.

Marissa: It's a little weird for us, too. I mean, instead of our baby looking like Zack, it's gonna look like Leonard.
Zack: Or Penny if it's a girl.
Penny: No, no, it's not gonna look- Sure.

Zack: Well, Leonard, we were hoping you'd go in on Monday.
Leonard: Okay.
Marissa: And they say, for the best results, between now and then, you shouldn't have sex.
Zack: Sorry, bro, I know it seems impossible to go for five days without, but I believe in you.
Leonard: Five days? My record is 24 years.
Penny: Uh, I think that also means no flying solo.
Leonard: Oh. Then my record is 14 years.

Marissa: And, well, we're really hoping for a son. So just, like, keep that in mind when you're in there.
Zack: Yeah, just think, "Little boys, little boys."
Penny: Still just totally not weird.

Zack: Thank you, guys, again for agreeing to do this.
Marissa: Yeah, it means so much to us.
Leonard: Ah, we're happy we can help.
Penny: Yeah, and we don't find it weird at all.

Sheldon: Hello.
Leonard: Oh, hey, Sheldon. We're kind of in the middle of something.
Sheldon: Oh, I won't be a moment. I just need to grab a book off a high shelf, which I can do because I am both tall and smart.
Amy: Sheldon, come home! They don't want to have your baby!
Sheldon: I don't know what you're talking about. Oh-oh, dear, I think I got something in my eye. My piercing, blue eye.
Amy: Sheldon!
Sheldon: Fine. I've also never had a cavity and I don't have asthma.

Howard: Hey, who wants to hear some exciting news?
Leonard: Oh, what's up?
Howard: This weekend, I got us four seats on the Vomit Comet.
Sheldon: Oh, you lost me at "vomit," you lost me again at "comet," and to be honest, I was on the fence at "us."

Sheldon: Leonard, if you had food on your face, would you want me to tell you?
Leonard: Where? Did I get it?
Sheldon: Oh, no, not now; it was last week. I didn't know whether or not to tell you, but everyone was staring. For the record, it was right there. And it was Nutella.
Leonard: Thanks.
Sheldon: You looked like a hazelnut Hitler.

Raj: We could still go. You know, make it a guys' weekend.
Howard: Yeah. (chuckles) All right, let's do it.
Raj: Great. It'll be like the good old days.
Howard: You mean when we were all sad, desperate and horribly alone?
Raj: I remember it more fondly.