Barry Kripke: Greg Pemberton, you old so-and-so.
Dr. Pemberton: Very good to see you. Uh, let me introduce you to my colleague, Dr. Campbell. Uh, Kevin, this is Barry Kripke. We went to college together.
Dr. Campbell: Great to meet you.
Barry Kripke: Well, you have my number. We should hit up the buffet at the strip club while you're in town. Nothing beats a lap dance and a baked potato bar, huh?

Penny: It's fine, I'll sit on the floor.
Raj: Thank you, Penny. And, Leonard, I was kind of hoping I could sit next to Anu.
Leonard: So now I have to sit on the floor? It's my house. Why can't Sheldon sit on the floor?
Sheldon: That might be the dumbest thing you've ever said.

Howard: Guys, guys, there's a simple solution.
Raj: I am not breaking up with her.
Howard: All right. Let's keep thinking.

Raj: Okay, you wanted the truth, here it is.
Anu: You have a drinking problem.
Raj: No. I, uh, I have a talking problem, and a drinking solution.

Sheldon: Now, I'm not sure if this helps, but did you know that pineapples were once so rare that King Charles posed for a portrait with one?
Leonard: How does that help?
Sheldon: Oh, it helped me. I've been trying to slide that into a conversation for years.

Sheldon: Excuse me, Turnip, we need to get going.
Mr. Fowler: But-but Howard was gonna show me some close-up magic.
Sheldon: Well, if you want to see real magic, I'll take you to Union Station, home to trains, subways and buses that, every half hour - voilà - drive to the airport.

Sheldon: It's called Lethal Weapon, but isn't that redundant? Aren't weapons, by their very nature, lethal?
Mr. Fowler: I suppose you're right.
Sheldon: Yeah, and don't even get me started on Unsolved Mysteries.
Mr. Fowler: I didn't get you started on Lethal Weapon.

Leonard: How you feeling about it?
Raj: Uh, to be honest, I'm pretty anxious. I mean, this is the woman I'm marrying. What if it's no good? Do we break up? Do we sign on for a lifetime of mediocre sex?
Leonard: Just don't put so much pressure on it. It's always a little awkward in the beginning. I remember the first time I slept with Penny.
Raj: It was bad?
Leonard: Oh, it was awesome! I will replay it in my head until the day I die.

Howard: Well, if it helps, I was really nervous my first time with Bernie. Mostly because I was worried my mom would walk in.
Leonard: Did she?
Howard: Yea-- Yeah.

Sheldon: This is a nightmare.
Penny: What's with him?
Leonard: He won a Nobel Prize, and his wife looks amazing.
Penny: Oh. Yeah, got it.

Amy: So, obviously, I'm really sorry about my outburst. Calling you frauds was unacceptable. I feel terrible about it.
Sheldon: It has caused her a lot of stress. She chewed through her night guard like it was a piece of jerky.

Amy: Really? Are you hiding from Penny again?
Leonard: No. No, no, no. I-I went to SoulCycle with her, and my legs hurt so bad, I literally can't stand up.
Amy: Sheldon, why don't you keep him company.
Sheldon: All right.Hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Hey.
Sheldon: Have you ever wondered what the Hulk would be like if he were made of sherbet?
Leonard: I give up.
Sheldon: Delicious.

Leonard: Well, I-I didn't quit. I said I was going to. I walked out the door and started crying. You know, "Oh, my, God, oh, my God, oh, my God, what'd I do?" And then he called me back in.
Penny: Then he changed his mind?
Leonard: He did not.
Penny: I'm really confused about how to react to this story.
Leonard: President Siebert didn't want to lose me. Even though they couldn't make me a lead investigator on a plasma team, there was an opening for a co-lead on a photon entanglement team. How cool is that?
Penny: You're gonna have to tell me.
Leonard: It's really cool.
Penny: Yay! Oh, I am so happy for you.
Leonard: I almost got what I wanted, and it never would have happened if you hadn't almost believed in me.

Penny: How did it go?
Leonard: Great.
Penny: What, so you got the job?
Leonard: I did not.
Penny: So you quit? Okay, Leonard, I can't move. I just bought a six-month membership to SoulCycle.

Penny: Raj, it's gonna be okay. Look, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship.
My first time with Leonard was nothing to write home about.
Raj: Really?
Penny: Yeah, but, you know, over time it got better.
Raj: So practice makes perfect?
Penny: Well, practice makes better.