Amy: I mean, it's sweet that you want to help, but we don't want you compromising your integrity for us.
Sheldon: Wait, what- Really? I thought we were just worried about looking bad.
Amy: It could be both.
Sheldon: Okay. But I'm gonna go with my reason. Yours is too complicated.

Sheldon: "Your majesties, members of the Nobel Academy. When I was a young boy growing up in East Texas I always knew I'd wind up on this stage, and everybody who said I wouldn't looks pretty darn foolish right now. I'm talking about you, high school science teacher Mr. Hubert Givens."
Amy: Sheldon, Sheldon. Why are you talking so fast?
Sheldon: I'm trying to get my speech down to 90 minutes.
Amy: Nobody's gonna be able to understand a word you're saying.
Sheldon: Welcome to my life.

Amy: Do you think by not exposing Pemberton we're doing the right thing?
Sheldon: Of course. Unless you think we're not doing the right thing.
Amy: Why would you think that I don't think we're doing the right thing?
Sheldon: You might think that if good people hold themselves to unrealistically high ethical standards, then they might lose out to their unscrupulous competitors.
Amy: Is that what you think?
Sheldon: No. No, I just thought if you thought we weren't doing the right thing, that's why you might think that.
Amy: Well, if I did think that, you might point out that people who claim it's okay to do bad things to win are bad people no matter what they tell themselves.
Sheldon: And I'd be right to point that out.
Amy: Because you're a good person.
Sheldon: I love talking to you. It's like talking to me, but with a girl voice.

Amy: Sounds expensive.
Raj: Excuse me, i-if I'm not mistaken, the Nobel comes with a substantial cash prize. What were you gonna spend it on?
Amy: Hadn't really thought about it. Sheldon's got his eyes on some new Dockers.

Bernadette: It's just that work's been crazy, and the minute I get home, I have two kids hanging on me, and sometimes I don't want babies pulling my hair and pinching my belly fat.
Penny: That'd be a good slogan for a condom company.

Doctor Lee: Oh, Dr. Hofstadter, did you have a chance to look over my proposal?
Leonard: I did, and your research is fascinating. I had no idea that crows were that smart. Do they really hold grudges?
Doctor Lee: They do. One of them escaped from my behavioral study a year ago. I can't prove it's him, but something craps on my car every day.

Leonard: No, I'm not going to reconsider. Your request was denied. I don't care if it helps you think; you don't need a koi pond in your office. Well, you should have thought about that before you bought the koi!
Penny: Wow. That was a little rough.
Leonard: Well, I have to be. Everyone assumes I'm just gonna give them whatever they want.
Penny: Hmm. But you're not, are you?
Leonard: No, I'm not. I mean, look at this. An espresso machine? I don't think so. Denied!
Penny: Wow, I really like this side of you.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Yeah, just so decisive.
Leonard: Well, check this out. A standing desk. Denied!
Penny: Oh!
Leonard: If you want to stand, do it on your own time, 'cause I'm the boss.
Penny: Yeah, you are.

Sheldon: Well done. You know, you're proving to be an invaluable part of my entourage.
Leonard: Cool.

Raj: Guys, I need your help, okay? I'm trying to buy her engagement ring. What do you think of this? Do you think she'll like this one?
Bernadette: Well, it's hard to say, not knowing much about her. Does she have fingers?
Raj: Yes, she has ten fingers and ten toes. Probably. I'll get back to you after I see her in sandals.

Sheldon: Oh, it's from Saul Perlmutter. He sent me a picture.
Amy: Ooh, let me see.
Sheldon: Oh, he arranged the cookies to spell out "thank you."
Amy: Sheldon, that word isn't "thank."

Raj: You got yourself a good one there, buddy.

Amy: Yeah, we're gonna need more coffee.
Penny: Yep, I'm with you. Leonard, coffee?
Leonard: Black and strong, like Luke Cage.
Penny: I'm too tired to even be disturbed by that.

Raj: I know a lot of people have been having fun claiming that I said I found alien life. I want to make it clear that is not what I said. I did say that was one possible explanation. I don't think that's something to mock. Right? It would be arrogant for us to assume that we are alone in the universe. And as scientists, we need to remain open to the possibility that the truth may sound silly or far-fetched. Uh, the round Earth. Germs that cause diseases. Subatomic particles. All these at one time seemed fanciful.
So who's to say what science fiction of today will be the reality of tomorrow? Will there be colonies on Mars? Uh, matter transporters? Perhaps the Loch Ness Monster is real.
Who knows? I'm just saying that the only way science moves forward is to follow the evidence wherever it leads, even if it makes us sound crazy sometimes.

Raj: Go for Dr. K.
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: Is this Rajesh Koothrappali?
Raj: Yes. Who is this?
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Raj: (stammers) Uh, wow. (chuckles) How fun is this Twitter thing, huh?
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: You think you're funny?
Raj: I'm not Seinfeld funny, but I did an open mic night once.
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: You're not funny.
Raj: Yeah, that's what they said at the Chuckle Hut.
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: How about this, I've got a book signing at Vroman's in Pasadena next week. Why don't you come by and say some of those things to my face?
Raj: (chuckles) Oh, no, but thanks for the invite.
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: Smart move, and the next time you pick up your phone, remember, I'm the guy who kicked Pluto out of the solar system.
Raj: And it deserved it, sir. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Amy: Sheldon, if someone were gonna do something ethically murky on your behalf, would you rather know about it or not know about it to retain your innocence?
Sheldon: Well, now that I know there's a thing to know, I have to know. Can't help myself; I'm a fact addict.
Amy: That's not a real thing.
Sheldon: And that's a fact.