Dr. Pemberton: The point is we should take it as a compliment that even you guys think we will win the Nobel Prize.
Amy: Uh, no, we-we certainly do not think that.
Sheldon: The Nobel Committee will realize that we came up with this theory.
Dr. Campbell: But we proved it.
Amy: By accident.
Dr. Pemberton: All breakthroughs happen by accident.
Amy: No, they don't!

Leonard: I still can't believe Sheldon had a best friend we've never heard about.
Raj: Ooh, somebody's jealous.
Leonard: I'm not jealous.
Howard: Leonard, this is a safe space. It's okay to be vulnerable.
Leonard: All I'm saying is you know the timing of a fellow's bowel movements, you don't think there's a lot left to discover.

Mr. Fowler: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh, good. You're right on time.
Amy: Hi, Daddy.
Mr. Fowler: Hey, pumpkin.
Sheldon: Pumpkin? I've been calling her spaghetti squash. It's amazing that one woman can be different vegetables to different men.

[in the playhouse:]
Amy: Can you hear what they're saying?
Bernadette: Shh, I'm trying.
(cork pops)
[in the hot tub:]
Howard: Huh. Sounds like Penny's in there, too.

Raj: Wait, wait, wait. If Tam knows what he did, we can just ask him. He's gonna be on campus tomorrow showing his son around.
Leonard: Won't that make Sheldon mad?
Raj: Everything makes Sheldon mad.
Howard: Yeah. Look at his list. Jim Henson for, quote, "putting a terrifying, giant yellow bird on television and in my nightmares."

Bernadette: And my dad has grown to really like Howard.
Howard: Yeah, there's a nice coolness between us.

Amy: Are you really gonna plan a wedding in three months?
Raj: Yeah, well, her family's doing most of the work. They're amazing. We talk all the time.
Sheldon: Why?
Raj: Because we're about to get married and they're gonna be my family.
Sheldon: Amy and I are married, and I never talk to her family.
Penny: Really? My parents love Leonard.
Leonard: Yeah. And my mom loves Penny, which is weird, because I never knew she could love.

Sheldon: Can I feed peanuts to the elephants at your wedding?
Raj: That is such a stereotype!
Sheldon: There won't be any elephants?
Raj: Of course there'll be elephants. It's a stereotype that you feed them peanuts.

Barry Kripke: I heard the only work he did on his thesis was googling, "Where can I buy a thesis?"
Amy: Well, plagiarism is a pretty serious charge. Are you sure?
Barry Kripke: You want proof? I can make some calls.
Sheldon: You'd do that for us?
Barry Kripke: I really don't want to see that guy win a Nobel. I also don't want to see you win a Nobel. Ooh, this is tricky.

Leonard: The europium laser is so cool. It has a four-level f-f transition which provides for high power output, and its quantum efficiency is off the charts.
Sheldon: What are you going to use it for?
Leonard: I have no idea.
Sheldon: Leonard, there's a crow on your roof.
Leonard: I see it.
Sheldon: Is that one of Dr. Lee's crows?
Leonard: It has a tag on its leg.
Sheldon: Don't make any sudden moves.
Leonard: Smart. Let's stand perfectly still and-
Sheldon: [running away] He's the one you want!

Sheldon: Interesting. What about not wanting everybody to be mad at you?
Leonard: Well, I realized that, no matter what decision I made, people were gonna be mad at me. And this way, I get a laser.
Sheldon: That is the most selfish thing you've ever done. I'm proud of you.
Leonard: And I don't care.
Sheldon: Yes, you do.
Leonard: Yeah, I do.

Bernadette: Oh, this is so nice.
Penny: Mm-hmm.
Bernadette: Maybe instead of introducing ourselves to Anu, we could just get a room, order some food and take a nap.
Penny: Yeah, I've fallen for that line before. It never leads to napping.

Amy: I'm in a secret club! Shh! Is there some sort of humiliating initiation? 'Cause I would literally do anything.

Leonard: Sorry. I'm distracted.
Sheldon: Ooh, aren't you the hustler.
Leonard: No matter who I give the funds to, someone is gonna be upset with me.
Sheldon: Do you really care if people are angry at you?
Leonard: Of course.
Sheldon: Interesting. Why don't you go to the store and get me some tapioca pudding or I'm gonna be angry at you.
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: So it comes and goes?

Reporter: Dr. Cooper, can I get a minute of your time? Hello?
Howard: Hey. Can I help you?
Reporter: Uh, yeah, actually. Um, I had an appointment to interview Dr. Cooper about the Nobel.
Howard: Hang on a second. Sheldon? [Howard enters Sheldon's office, finds him hiding behind his desk and shaking his head] Sorry, he's not here.
Reporter: Damn. I've got a deadline.
Howard: I don't know if it helps you at all, but I'm his best friend in the whole world.
Reporter: Really?
Howard: And an astronaut. Come on, you can buy me a cup of coffee, and I'll tell you about both.