Barry Kripke: Hofstadter! Heard Siebert put you in charge of the administrative fund. Can't think of a better guy for the job.
Sheldon: I think he's done this before.

Sheldon: All right, well, we should head out now if we're gonna get to the airport six hours before boarding.

Sheldon: Well, people used to call me egghead 'cause there were eggs on my head. 'Cause they threw them at me.

Leonard: Uh, hold on, I'm not just gonna hand out money. There's a procedure you need to follow.
Sheldon: I believe he's referring to the traditional "kissing of the buttocks."
Howard: Should we form a line, or just do it like we're bobbing for apples?

Leonard: Well, Siebert put me in charge of handing out the last bit of the administrative funds, and I have sole discretion.
Raj: Ooh! Looks like Christmas came early. First thing on my list is a golden umbrella, 'cause Leonard's gonna make it rain!

Sheldon: So, your turn. Uh, other than Amy, have you every had anything removed from your body?
Mrs. Fowler: I am not going to answer that.
Sheldon: Smart. Save something for our next get-together.

Raj: Guys, I need your help, okay? I'm trying to buy her engagement ring. What do you think of this? Do you think she'll like this one?
Bernadette: Well, it's hard to say, not knowing much about her. Does she have fingers?
Raj: Yes, she has ten fingers and ten toes. Probably. I'll get back to you after I see her in sandals.

Sheldon: "Number one, in Sweden, punctuality is taken very seriously. In other words, the loosey-goosey attitude in Helsinki will not fly in Stockholm."
Amy: "Two, at the beginning and end of all business and social meetings, shake hands with everyone present: men, women and children."
Sheldon: Yes, you're all encouraged to pair off and practice this once we're in the air and the seat belt sign is off.

Bernadette: One time my brothers made me breathe helium. I tried to call for help, but the only one who could hear me was the dog.
Sheldon: That's also terrible. My goodness, you had to live in a house with a dog.

Leonard: Uh, so, after I decide, do I then submit it to you for approval, or?
President Siebert: No. You decide, you approve, and then you pride yourself on a job well done.
Leonard: That's a lot of responsibility.
President Siebert: Well, if I didn't think you were up to the task, you wouldn't have been fifth on my list.

Amy: Sheldon, this isn't about ruing. This is about humbly accepting a great honor.
Sheldon: Amy, we won the Nobel Prize in Physics. Humility is for people who win the goofy Nobels like Literature, Economics and Peace.
Amy: Please tell me that's not in your speech.
Sheldon: Oh. I can cut it, but it's the only joke I have.

Raj: Sheldon, you sure you're ready for this? This movie's pretty scary.
Sheldon: Please. I'm an adult. I think I can handle it.
Leonard: That's what you said about the butterfly pavilion at the zoo.
Sheldon: That was my fault. After I pet that goat, I felt like a gladiator.

Penny: This is between me and Leonard.
Amy: Screw Leonard! We were supposed to get pregnant together. We were gonna be barf buddies. We were supposed to massage each other's perineums with vitamin E.
Penny: I'm about to be your barf buddy right now.

Amy: Your husband was acting kind of weird today.
Penny: You sure you're not thinking about your husband?
Amy: No. He was acting all sketchy. Almost like he was guilty or something.
Penny: Oh. Well, that doesn't mean anything. I mean, Leonard has resting guilt face.
Yeah, it's- It's like, "What are you guilty about, Leonard?" "Nothing." "Well, then, tell it to your face." [scoffs]

Penny: You know, if this woman's gonna be around, I think we should check her out a little. I looked online. She doesn't have an Instagram, which means she's either 80 or something's wrong with her.