Greg: I have a bottle of champagne for you.
Bernadette: Oh, we didn't order this.
Greg: It's from the gentleman at the end of the bar.
Amy: Oh. Well, if we drink it, does that mean we're making a promise? 'Cause I am happily married, although I will watch.

Penny: We're not gonna do anything.
Bernadette: Really? So all that work's for Leonard?

Leonard: Okay, the cyclops tells you that the enchantress you seek is staying at the Inn of the Dwarven Lords.
Sheldon: Really? An inn? Anu is a concierge at a hotel. That's a little insensitive, don't you think?
Raj: I hadn't noticed that before you mentioned it.
Sheldon: Well, now that I've mentioned it, how do you feel?
Raj: Bad.
Sheldon: Shame on you.

Penny: Did-did you send this over?
Zack: I did. I asked for the most expensive one they have. They said it was $200, and I said I want a more expensive one. And then, they said it was $300.
Amy: But it-it was the same-
Penny: Don't.

Penny: Thank you, but you shouldn't have spent so much.
Zack: Nah. It's cool. I sold my company for a boatload of money. And then I bought a boat. Then I got married. Guess where.
Amy: On your boat?
Zack: No, but that would've been awesome!

Zack: Hey, you and Leonard should come over and have dinner with us on our boat.
Penny: Yeah, that would be so nice.
Bernadette: Leonard was just saying how he was hoping to have dinner with one of your ex-boyfriends on his expensive boat.
Zack: Well, then this worked out perfect!

Denise: Come here.
Stuart: Oh. Uh, no. I appreciate it, but seriously, this is all bruise.
Denise: Kiss?
Stuart: Gently. Ow.

Interviewer: I'm about to start recording. Are you guys ready?
Amy: Sheldon, are you ready?
Sheldon: Absolutely.
Interviewer: Great. So, Dr. Cooper, my first question is for you.
Sheldon: Oh, goody.
Interviewer: Would you say that your paper is an extension of the work of Professor Joseph Polchinski?
Sheldon: ... I'll be in the car.

Amy: I can't believe you're taking this out on me. I was just trying to get publicity for our paper.
Sheldon: By making it seem like it was your idea?
Amy: I didn't write the headline, Sheldon. Did you even read the article? Because I talk about you continuously.
Sheldon: I know, and it just made you sound modest and charming.
Amy: Why can't you just be proud of me?
Sheldon: I am proud of you.
Amy: Really? Because you sound jealous.
Sheldon: Well, I'm that, too. I've seen Inside Out. I know I can feel two things at once.
[Bernadette fires at them]
Amy: Ow!
Sheldon: Ow! Well now I feel three things.

Penny: Hey. Who shot you?
Stuart: Oh. Uh, oh Denise, uh, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise, Denise and me when I was running from Denise.

Leonard: What is up with you two?
Stuart: Well, it's kind of hard to explain. Uh, you know when things are going great, but you worry that any minute you might screw everything up?
Penny: No.
Leonard: Yes. If you really like her, you can't let fear get in the way. You have to move forward.
Stuart: And at a certain point, the fear of losing her goes away?
Leonard: I will let you know.

Anu: That was my ex-boyfriend. Some of his stuff was still at my house, and he stopped by to pick it up.
Raj: And did you give it to him? Did you give him his stuff?
Anu: If "stuff" means sex, then no. If "stuff" means his Waterpik, then yes.

Raj: Where are you going?
Anu: Home. Don't worry. I'll wave to the doorbell when I get there.

Amy: We can take you. Come on, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Okay. But I should warn you, we're in a bit of a spat. At least I think we are. Amy, are we still in a spat?
Amy: Are you ready to apologize?
Sheldon: We are.

Denise: That's a lot of bruises.
Stuart: Yeah, well, you shot me a lot of times. That's not even counting the bruises on the inside.
Denise: 'Cause I hurt your feelings?
Stuart: Let's hope that's all it is.