Amy: Hey, did you guys know that Sheldon had a best friend growing up named Tam?
Leonard: Was that the imaginary talking koala?
Amy: No. He's a real person who apparently betrayed him.
Leonard: Yeah, so did the koala.

Amy: I tried to ask him about it, and he invoked section three, article five of the marriage contract: beeswax, none of your.

Howard: Wow. I wonder what that guy could've done to make Sheldon not talk to him for 20 years.
Leonard: I wonder if it'd work a second time.

Bernadette: I'm pumping!
Penny: It's Penny.
Bernadette: Oh, come in.
Penny: I thought you were pumping.
Bernadette: I thought you were my boss.

Penny: Okay, listen, I'm really worried about this whole Raj thing.
Bernadette: I know, he's so desperate to get married, which is weird, because I can't imagine we make it look that great.
Penny: I know, right?

Penny: You know, if this woman's gonna be around, I think we should check her out a little. I looked online. She doesn't have an Instagram, which means she's either 80 or something's wrong with her.

Bernadette: Well, I could ask my dad. Maybe he can get some of his old cop buddies to do a background check on her.
Penny: Would he do that?
Bernadette: Of course. He's a retired cop who plays by his own rules. [on the phone] Hi, Daddy. No, everything's good. I just have a favor to ask. Yeah, so, my friend Raj is marrying this woman that he barely knows, and I wanted to see if you could use your connections to dig up any dirt on her. Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Love you.
Penny: Is he in?
Bernadette: Absolutely not. He won't do it. It's totally illegal.
Penny: I thought you said he played by his own rules.
Bernadette: He does, but apparently, they're very similar to the actual rules.

Leonard: I still can't believe Sheldon had a best friend we've never heard about.
Raj: Ooh, somebody's jealous.
Leonard: I'm not jealous.
Howard: Leonard, this is a safe space. It's okay to be vulnerable.
Leonard: All I'm saying is you know the timing of a fellow's bowel movements, you don't think there's a lot left to discover.

Howard: I wonder what Tam could have done.
Raj: Hmm. Well, if Sheldon doesn't want to talk about it, it's got to be pretty upsetting.
Howard: I have his brother George's number, he might know.
Leonard: Really? You have George's number?
Raj: So so jealous!

Georgie: Yeah, sure, I remember Tam, Sheldon's little Vietnam buddy. The two of them were always running around together.
Leonard: So, what happened?
Georgie: What do you mean?
Leonard: Well, I mean, Sheldon never talks about him. They haven't spoken in years. He wasn't at the wedding.
Georgie: He wasn't? All right, well, this is embarrassing, 'cause I had a long conversation with someone who I thought was Tam.

Raj: Wait, wait, so you don't know what their fight was about?
Georgie: I wish I could help you, boys. But, you know, Sheldon used to keep an enemies list when he was a kid.
Leonard: Oh, he still does.
Georgie: Really? I figured that went the same way as his bathroom schedule.
Howard: If you mean digitized, annotated and put online, it did.
Georgie: Maybe that'll tell you something. Hey, while you're looking at it, if I'm still on there for peeing in his shampoo bottle - Eh, you know what, just leave it.

Howard: All right, got his enemies list. Ooh, he updated the interface. You can search by first name, last name or length of grudge.
Raj: Is Tam on it?
Howard: Let's see. Yep. Right here. Tam Nguyen.
Leonard: Oh, great. What did he do?
Howard: Hold on. I have to agree to the terms of service. No, I'm not a robot. Okay.
"Which of these are plants?" And we're in.

Raj: Wait, wait, wait. If Tam knows what he did, we can just ask him. He's gonna be on campus tomorrow showing his son around.
Leonard: Won't that make Sheldon mad?
Raj: Everything makes Sheldon mad.
Howard: Yeah. Look at his list. Jim Henson for, quote, "putting a terrifying, giant yellow bird on television and in my nightmares."

Bernadette: Oh, this is so nice.
Penny: Mm-hmm.
Bernadette: Maybe instead of introducing ourselves to Anu, we could just get a room, order some food and take a nap.
Penny: Yeah, I've fallen for that line before. It never leads to napping.

Anu: [on the phone] Okay, I got you two seats to Hamilton tonight. Your tickets will be at the concierge desk. Of course. My pleasure. [to Bernadette and Penny] May I help you?
Bernadette: Yes, I'm here to pick up our Hamilton tickets.
Penny: Stop.