Sheldon: Yes, Penny?
Penny: Oh. Do we have to go?

Sheldon: Hello? What did we just learn about the end of business meetings? [everyone groans as they shake each other's hands]

Howard: I was just looking at the map. Couldn't help thinking: we're here and they're there, and if anything happened, we'd have to go here to get all the way back there.
Bernadette: Why are you trying to freak me out?
Howard: This is our vacation. I thought we should do things together.

Sheldon: What would you like me to say?
Leonard: How about congratulating us?
Sheldon: Are congratulations even in order? I didn't think Penny wanted children.
Leonard: Well, she didn't, now she does. And just so you know, we weren't gonna tell anybody so we wouldn't upstage your big day.
Sheldon: Oh, please, you couldn't upstage us. We won a Nobel Prize. Any idiot can have a baby.
Howard: Hey. What's going on?
Sheldon: Case in point.

Leonard: You are a selfish jerk. To hell with you and your Nobel Prize.

Raj: I found her boarding pass in her purse. It's totally her.

Penny: Pickled herring. Who knew how good it was!
Leonard: Really? Sounds gross.
Penny: Looks gross. Smells gross. It's delicious! [knock on door] Ooh, that might be my salted cod!

Leonard: What?
Amy: Sheldon has something he'd like to say.
Sheldon: I'm sorry I didn't react appropriately. You and Penny are bringing new life into the world. Congratulations. I can't wait to meet it.
Leonard: "It"?
Sheldon: That's a gender-neutral pronoun. If you're offended, take it up with the English language.

Howard: Oh, good, you're here. Listen, we're thinking maybe we should go back to L.A.
Amy: Why?
Howard: We just can't be this far away from the kids. Bernie's having a meltdown, and, frankly, so am I.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, pull it together. This is a big day for me.
Howard: [scoffs] Yeah, I wasn't sure what to do. Now I am. We're going home.
Leonard: We'll join you.
Penny: Oh, wait. Do I get a vote in this?
Leonard: They'll have pickled herring on the plane.
Penny: Bye-bye.

Penny: Okay, that's it for the fish. We'll be back with the meatballs after a short word from our sponsor.

Leonard: How long is it gonna take you to get ready?
Penny: Oh, I just need, like, five or ten minutes.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: No. What is wrong with you?!

Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: What? Did you finish? Great job.

Leonard: If I had a nickel for every time a charity sent me a nickel.
Penny: Really? That's gonna be our whole life, huh?
Leonard: If my father's any guide, around 50, I start to lose my hearing and get two new jokes.

Amy: Sheldon, do we really have to do this on a schedule?
Sheldon: Are you suggesting spontaneity?
Amy: I guess, yeah.
Sheldon: So, now that we're married, sex can occur at any time? Like, we can be brushing our teeth, and suddenly your minty-fresh tongue is in my mouth? No, thank you.

Sheldon: Congratulations, Leonard, you passed my secret loyalty test. The truth is, I was never having an affair with the cafeteria lady. There's only one woman who gets to touch my no-no parts, and she's right here.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: No, no.