Amy: Really, Sheldon? You want to do it again?
Sheldon: Don't act surprised. It's clearly marked on the schedule. Now, shall we steam the wrinkles out of our wizard robes, or make vigorous, socially sanctioned love? Either way, I can check something off my to-do list.
Amy: [reading Sheldon's to-do list on his phone] Socially sanc-- Oh, wow. Yeah, there it is right there.

Leonard: Uh, hurry. Raj is on next.
Penny: All right. I can't believe they canceled Vampire Diaries but they'll show this.
Leonard: This is the news.
Penny: And that was a woman torn between two hunky vampires. What is your point?

Mrs. Fowler: Larry? I know you're in there!
Penny: Is that Amy's mom?
Mrs. Fowler: Let me in. (shouting) Let me in!
Leonard: Either that or the Big Bad Wolf.

Mrs. Fowler: Larry, come on.
Leonard: I don't think he's in there. I mean, he came by to water the imaginary plants, but then he left.
Mrs. Fowler: You are so naive. Blondie here is gonna chew you up and spit you out.
Penny: Well, don't tell him.

Mrs. Fowler: Oh, he's in here. I can smell his Axe body spray.
Leonard: He wears Axe body spray.
Penny: You happy? You smell like Amy's dad.

Penny: Ooh, come on.
Leonard: Ah, shouldn't we mind our own business?
Penny: Wow, sometimes it's like you don't know me at all.

Bernadette: Man, that is one hot weather girl.
Howard: How come if I say that I get in trouble?
Bernadette: You want to say it? You can say it.
Howard: Nice try. You're gonna have to find some other way to not have sex with me tonight. And it's not weather girl, it's weather woman.

Raj: Is it nice having Sheldon and Amy away on their honeymoon?
Penny: Yeah, because now Leonard and I get all this alone time.
Raj: But you're not alone. We're here.
Penny: Yes. (sighs) Yes, you are.
Bernadette: Would you like us to leave so you and Leonard can talk about all the things you have in common?
Leonard: Ha, ha, she called your bluff.

Raj: So, something pretty cool happened. Channel 3 asked me to be on the news tomorrow night to talk about the meteor shower.
Leonard: Oh, that's great.
Penny: Hey-
Bernadette: Congratulations.
Howard: You know, that's how Neil deGrasse Tyson got his start. He went from the Hayden Planetarium to guesting on the local news to ruining everyone's favorite movies on the Internet.

Raj: Now it's happening to me. Ooh, I should probably make a list of all the scientific inaccuracies in Mamma Mia 2.
Penny: You're gonna go on live TV and admit you've seen that movie?
Raj: Hey, your husband's the one who took me.
Leonard: Meryl Streep and Cher? Yeah, I saw it.

Raj: Sounds like someone's in there.
Bernadette: My God, what if Sheldon and Amy are getting robbed?
Howard: Or worse, what if they're back early?

Leonard: They're not; they just posted a picture in front of the Statue of Liberty.
Penny: Real or Lego?
Leonard: Lego.

Bernadette: So, what should we do? Should someone go check it out?
Raj: I would, but I got to be on TV tomorrow. Got to protect the money.

Penny: Oh, uh, Mr. Fowler. Sorry, we didn't know you were here. We actually thought someone was breaking in.
Raj: And we were ready to take them down.
Mr. Fowler: Amy asked me to water her plants.
Penny: She doesn't have any plants.
Mr. Fowler: Oh. Well, you caught me in a lie. Have a good day.

Howard: That was weird, right?
Leonard: Was it? I honestly can't tell anymore.