Penny: Look, Sheldon, I'm really, really sorry but it's only going to be for a week. Can't you be a little bit flexible?
[Leonard, Howard, Raj and Sheldon all look at her]
Penny: Yeah, sorry, I didn't really think that through.

Sheldon: That is my spot. In an ever-changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot at the moment I first sat on it would be zero-zero-zero-zero.

Penny: What are we gonna do?
Leonard: We? No, no, no. You had your chance to be "we" for like a year and a half now. Right now, you are you and you are screwed!

Raj: We need a plan. How about Operation Hammer of the Gods?
Leonard: I forget, which one is Hammer of the Gods?
Raj: We hide behind the dumpsters in the parking lot and ambush people when they come to pee.

Sheldon: Excuse me, but the problem is not solved. If your head had been accidentally amputated and we transplanted a dog's head in its place, would that be problem solved?
Leonard: If it were your head it would be.

Penny: Ok, ok, how about this. We tell him somebody broke in?
Leonard: Just to shoot the couch with the paint ball gun?
Penny: I'm sorry, I'll buy it. All those people are on drugs.
Leonard: We can tell him they wanted the couch to stay away from their boyfriend.

Leslie: Boy, your heart's racing. I must've really gotten you going.
Wolowitz: Well, it's partly you, partly my transient idiopathic arrhythmia.
Leslie: Sexy.

Leonard: Penny, I think I know what to do. Sheldon, I have some more bad news.
Sheldon: More?
Leonard: I'm afraid so. You know the cashew chicken I get you Monday nights?
Sheldon: Yes. From Szechuan Palace.
Leonard: Szechuan Palace closed two years ago.
Sheldon: What? Where did my cashew chicken come from?
Leonard: Golden Dragon.
Sheldon: No. No, this isn't right. Our food always comes in Szechuan Palace containers.
Leonard: Yeah, well, before they went out of business, I bought 4,000 containers. I keep them in the trunk of my car.

Howard: Court-martial, shmort-martial, Leslie Winkle is the fifth girl I've ever had sex with. I mean, for free.
Raj: And plus, you got a rapid prototyper. That's an expensive piece of equipment, dude.
Leonard: And the rest of us have had our budgets cut to the bone.
Howard: Okay. One way to look at this is I'm getting new equipment and you're not, and that's unfair. But a better way to look at this is that I'm getting sex and you're not, and that's delightful.

Penny: There, nice and comfy cosy. Zero, zero, zero.
Sheldon: There's one more zero. You forgot the time parameter.
Penny: Sit on the damn couch.

Leonard: You know what baffles me, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Based on your academic record, any number of things, I would imagine.

Leonard: Why are you crouching there?
Sheldon: This is my spot. Where else am I supposed to crouch?
Leonard: I don't know, Texas?

Howard: Don't come in, Ma.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Why not?
Leslie: He's got company.
Howard: Oh, there's the arrhythmia.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Is she Jewish?
Howard: Are you Jewish?
Leslie: No.
Howard: Yes!

Howard: Hey, ma, you got to rent me a tux!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Right now? What kind of sex are you having up there?

Penny: Boy, I love him, but he is one serious wackadoodle.