Leonard: Look, I'm just saying, um, Penny is one of our many neighbors, you know, and in our building, neighbors come and go, it's very casual, no dress code. In fact, some mornings I'll just mosey down to the third floor in my pajamas and have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
Sheldon: Really? I have never once been invited to have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
Leonard: She doesn't like you.

Penny: So, that's Stephanie, huh?
Leonard: Why do I feel like I'm the one that just got the prostate exam?
Penny: You know, she seems very nice.
Sheldon: Oh, she is. She's terrific, and shes proving to be a valuable roommate.
Penny: Roommate? You guys are living together?
Sheldon: Like hippies.

Leonard: In fact, I gave it a lot of thought and I decided it was time for us to live together.
Howard: Uh, Leonard, huge mistake. There's a whole buffet of women out there and you're just standing in the corner eating the same deviled egg over and over again.
Leonard: At least I have an egg. What do you have?
Howard: A veritable smrgsbord of potential sexual partners. See the blond over there? I can hit on her and you can't.
Leonard: So, go hit on her.
Howard: She's not my type.

Leonard: I don't care what you guys think, Stephanie and I are very happy living together. I will give either of you 20 dollars, right now to trade pants with me!

Stephanie: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: Hang on. 130 over 80. A little high. We can attribute that to the stress of sneaking past the security desk.
Stephanie: Where did you get the stethoscope and the blood pressure cuff?
Sheldon: My aunt Marion gave them to me for my 12th birthday. She thought if I failed at theoretical physics that I should have a trade to fall back on. And by the way, the blood pressure cuff is called a sphygmomanometer.
Stephanie: Thank you.
Sheldon: Didn't they teach you that in medical school?

Stephanie: I'm kinda busy here, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I understand. All I need is for you to authorize these tests.
Stephanie: A cardiac stress test, a full body MRI, an electromyogram, a CBC, baseline glucose, upper GI?
Sheldon: Oh, and an exploratory laparoscopy. Last time I had hiccups, it felt like my diaphragm was just going through the motions.
Stephanie: Go home, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Can I at least have the upper GI? I already drank the barium!

Stephanie: Oh, no!
Sheldon: Wha...?
Stephanie: You were right. Your larynx is terribly inflamed. I mean, I've never seen anything like it.
Sheldon: I knew it! What do I do?
Stephanie: You're going to need to stop talking immediately.
Sheldon: For how-
Stephanie: D-d-d-d! Immediately.

Penny: I mean, what have women said to you when they wanted to slow a relationship down?
Leonard: I really like you, but I want to see how things go with Mark?
Penny: Yeah, that'll slow it down.

Howard: Hey. Nice sweater.
Leonard: Yeah, Stephanie got it for me. It's kind of fun.
Raj: It's got a big bird on it, dude.
Leonard: Yeah, yeah, that's the fun part. We're also getting new curtains for my bedroom, and a dust ruffle, and a duvet, and I don't even know what a duvet is but I'm pretty sure if I did I wouldn't want one, but every time I talk to her about moving out she cries and we have sex.
Raj: You're lucky. With me, it's usually the other way around.

Howard: You know, if you can't talk to her, why don't you just text her?
Leonard: Isn't that kind of cowardly?
Howard: Oh, yeah. It's beyond contemptible.
Raj: It's true, but on the other hand you are wearing a bird sweater.
Leonard: Sold.

Sheldon: I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.
Penny: I could think about you.
Sheldon: Whatever works.

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard?
Leonard: What, Sheldon!? What, Sheldon!? What, Sheldon!?
Sheldon: Tell me what you see here.
Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?

Sheldon: If I'm permitted to speak again, Dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win!

Raj: Ooo.
Penny: What's the matter, Lassie? Did Timmy fall down the well?

Sheldon: Of the handful of women Leonard's been involved with, she's the only one I have ever found tolerable.
Penny: Well, what about me?
Sheldon: The statement stands for itself.