Stephanie: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: Hang on. 130 over 80. A little high. We can attribute that to the stress of sneaking past the security desk.
Stephanie: Where did you get the stethoscope and the blood pressure cuff?
Sheldon: My aunt Marion gave them to me for my 12th birthday. She thought if I failed at theoretical physics that I should have a trade to fall back on. And by the way, the blood pressure cuff is called a sphygmomanometer.
Stephanie: Thank you.
Sheldon: Didn't they teach you that in medical school?

Stephanie: I'm kinda busy here, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I understand. All I need is for you to authorize these tests.
Stephanie: A cardiac stress test, a full body MRI, an electromyogram, a CBC, baseline glucose, upper GI?
Sheldon: Oh, and an exploratory laparoscopy. Last time I had hiccups, it felt like my diaphragm was just going through the motions.
Stephanie: Go home, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Can I at least have the upper GI? I already drank the barium!

Stephanie: Oh, no!
Sheldon: Wha...?
Stephanie: You were right. Your larynx is terribly inflamed. I mean, I've never seen anything like it.
Sheldon: I knew it! What do I do?
Stephanie: You're going to need to stop talking immediately.
Sheldon: For how-
Stephanie: D-d-d-d! Immediately.

Penny: I mean, what have women said to you when they wanted to slow a relationship down?
Leonard: I really like you, but I want to see how things go with Mark?
Penny: Yeah, that'll slow it down.

Howard: Hey. Nice sweater.
Leonard: Yeah, Stephanie got it for me. It's kind of fun.
Raj: It's got a big bird on it, dude.
Leonard: Yeah, yeah, that's the fun part. We're also getting new curtains for my bedroom, and a dust ruffle, and a duvet, and I don't even know what a duvet is but I'm pretty sure if I did I wouldn't want one, but every time I talk to her about moving out she cries and we have sex.
Raj: You're lucky. With me, it's usually the other way around.

Howard: You know, if you can't talk to her, why don't you just text her?
Leonard: Isn't that kind of cowardly?
Howard: Oh, yeah. It's beyond contemptible.
Raj: It's true, but on the other hand you are wearing a bird sweater.
Leonard: Sold.

Leonard: Here's my home number, here's my cell, here's my office, here's my parents' number up in New Jersey, they always know how to reach me.

Raj: "Kandorian dry cleaner-" I give up, you can't have a rational argument with this man.

Raj: Whoa. Humongous man crush, dude.

Howard: Yep. It's officially a bro-mance.

Dave: I don't know how you live next door to that without doing something about it.
Leonard: Actually, science is my lady.

Sheldon: What it is is a cacophonous assault of eucalyptus, bayberry, cinnamon and vanilla. It's as if my head were trapped in the pajamas of a sultan.

Leonard: I've been offering to show you around for a year and a half. You always said you had yoga.
Penny: I never said that.
Leonard: Maybe I heard you wrong. A lot of words sound like yoga.

Leonard: Oh, a gift certificate for motorcycle lessons. Very thoughtful.
Penny: Yeah, and I checked. Not letting the bike fall on you while standing still is lesson one.

Leonard: Oh, then I think you'll appreciate what I got you.
Penny: Okay. 101 Totally Cool Science Experiments for Kids.
Leonard: You know, 'cause you're so into science.