Sheldon: All right, now, before you enter my bedroom unescorted, I need you to understand that this onetime grant of access does not create a permanent easement. ... Easement. It's a legal right of access. ... Good grief. What? No, don't put me on hold. Aw.

Howard: Do you believe him? Normally around women, he has the personality of a boiled potato. Put one beer in him, and he's M. Night Charmalarmalon.
Leonard: Is that what he's drinking? It's not even real beer.
Howard: What?
Leonard: Look at it. Non-alcoholic beer.
Howard: What's going on?
Leonard: I don't know. Some sort of placebo effect, I guess.
Howard: Placebo, you say. Interesting.

Sheldon: Yes, I'm still here. Where am I going? I'm on a train. Now, what you'll be looking for is a small wooden box located between a Hoberman's sphere and a sample of quartz flecked with pyrite. Hoberman's Sphere. It's a collapsible icosidodecahedron. No, the thing with the time on it is my alarm clock.

Raj: Actually, in India, the names of constellations are different. Where you have the Big Dipper, we have the Big Curry Pot.
Summer Glau: You're making that up.
Raj: You got me. Now what are you going to do with me?

Howard: Hi, I'm the small package good things come in.

Leonard: Hey, Penny. It's Leonard.
Penny: Hey, Leonard. How's the train ride?
Leonard: Delightful. Listen, I don't know what you're doing right now, but there are little bubbles forming on the corners of Sheldon's mouth.

Howard: And did you know the word "pumpernickel" comes from the German words pumper and nickel, which loosely translates to fart goblin?

Sheldon: You're holding a Japanese puzzle box, which takes ten precise moves to open. First, locate the panel with the diamond pattern and slide the centre portion one millimetre to the left. Then, on the opposite end of the box, slide the entire panel down two millimetres. You'll hear a slight click.
Penny: Hang on. Sheldon, do you have any emotional attachment to this box?
Sheldon: No, it's a novelty I ordered off the Internet. Now, did you hear the click?
Penny: Not yet. (Puts the box on the ground and stomps on it)There it is.

Sheldon: So, I'm thinking, you won the Nobel Prize what, three years ago? So you must deal with a whole lot of what has Smoot done lately? My thought is we continue my research as a team, you know, Cooper-Smoot, alphabetical, and when we win the Nobel Prize, you'll be back on top.
George Smoot: With all due respect, Dr. Cooper, are you on crack?
Sheldon: Fine! Smoot-Cooper. Wow, what a diva.

Howard: Hey, you know what'd be a great idea? We get some girls over here and play Laser Obstacle Strip Chess.
Leonard: Believe me, Howard, any girl who would be willing to play that, you don't want to see naked.
Howard: You underestimate me.

Penny: Well, it's a little juvenile. I mean, it kind of looks like the MySpace page of a 13-year-old girl.
Leonard: No, it doesn't.
Howard: Please, Dateline could use it to attract predators.

Howard: Too bad. You know the rules of Secret Agent Laser Obstacle Chess. Leonard died again, Sheldon. You're up.
Sheldon: Despite my deep love of chess, lasers and aerosol disinfectant, I must forfeit.
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: Because it's almost eleven o'clock.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: So ... Penny has a don't knock on my door before eleven o'clock or I punch you in the throat rule.

Sheldon: Bailment describes a relationship in common law where a physical possession of personal property, or chattels, is transferred from one person, the bailor, to another person, the bailee.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, look, look. I started a business.
Sheldon: Obviously, not a cleaning business.

Penny: Sheldon, don't you get it? If this takes off, I won't have to be a waitress anymore.
Sheldon: But then who will bring me my cheeseburger on Tuesday nights?
Penny: Another waitress.
Sheldon: What's her name?
Penny: I don't know.
Sheldon: And you're going to let her handle my food?
Penny: Nancy. Her name is Nancy.
Sheldon: I think you're just making that up.
Penny: Sheldon, I'm sorry about your hamburger, okay? I just don't want to be a waitress for the rest of my life.
Sheldon: Cheeseburger. I get a cheeseburger.
Penny: Fine, cheeseburger.
Sheldon: Maybe I'd be better off with Nancy.

Sheldon: All right, ten dollars a day times five days a week, times 52 weeks a year is two thousand six hundred dollars.
Penny: That's all?
Sheldon: Before taxes.
Penny: Well, I don't have to pay taxes on this stuff.
Sheldon: I believe the Internal Revenue Service would strongly disagree.