Sheldon: Excuse me. You're misusing the word 'ho'. It's an interjection used to call attention to a destination, not an object, as in 'land ho' or 'westward ho'.

Sheldon: Oh yes, canine football fans are a common sight in Texas. Cats, however, refuse to wear sporting apparel. My sister found that out the hard way.

Howard: Sheldon knows football? I mean Quidditch, sure, but football?

Sheldon: I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. Pro football, college football, high school football, pee wee football - in fact, every form of football except the original, European football, which most Texans believe to be a commie plot.

Penny: Here, have some pizza, sweetie.
Leonard: You know I'm lactose intolerant.
Penny: I know; I just need you to stop talking.

Sheldon: That seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don't you have access to women who will do it for money?

Leonard: I think I'm starting to get this.
Rajesh: Really? The only thing I've learnt in the last 2 hours is that American men drink a lot of beer, pee too often and have trouble getting erections.
Leonard: Focus on the game, not the commercials Raj.

Wolowitz: At least I can talk to women without being drunk.
Rajesh: Excuse me, I have selective mutism, a recognised medical disorder. You're just a douche.

Sheldon: If you want to blend in with Penny's friends, I'd think looking like an idiot would be the perfect camouflage.

Raj: You always do this, you know, ditch me for a woman you don't have a shot with.
Howard: I totally had a shot.
Raj: With a woman you were chasing in a park. That's not a shot, that's a felony.

Sheldon: What's funny about Cylon toast?

Penny: Kite fighting?
Leonard: Oh, yeah. It's an extremely competitive, cutthroat sport.
Sheldon: Well, actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-present danger.

Leonard: Maybe Koothrappali's right. Maybe I embarrass her.
Sheldon: You're embarrassing me right now. A grown man worrying about such nonsense when in the middle of flying kites.

Howard: I would have caught up to her if I hadn't pulled a hammy.
Raj: Oh, please, you weigh 80 pounds. You don't have a hammy.

Penny: We won.
Leonard: Oh, that's excellent. It's a weird figure of speech, isn't it? We won, when you weren't actually playing. When we watch Star Wars, we don't say we defeated the empire.
Penny: I'm glad to hear it.