Sheldon: Leonard! Stop the car!
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I can't listen to the two of you fight anymore.

Sheldon: Come on, come on, we're late.
Leonard: Calm down, we'll make the movie.
Sheldon: I believe my alarm is appropriate, given the situation. The movie starts in 17 minutes, which means we'll need to make all the lights on Colorado Boulevard, plus skip the concession stand, and pre-show urination.

Leonard: Hey. We're, uh, going to the movies.
Sheldon: No, we're not. We're standing in the hallway, suffering through an awkward encounter.
Leonard: Hang on. They're showing a new digital print of Time Bandits, you wouldn't want to come, would you?
Penny: Not really, no.
Sheldon: All right, invitation pointlessly offered, invitation declined as expected, everyone's civil, nobody's fighting. Have a nice evening.

Raj: You mean like when a guy's upset because his friend agreed to take a cooking class with him and then doesn't show up because he's doing a juice fast with his mother?
Howard: I didn't know you were upset about that.
Raj: Really! Did you miss all the subtle indicators, like me saying, "Howard, I am upset".
Howard: Okay, sorry.
Raj: Maybe it means something different in this country. Back in India, it means you're upset with a guy named Howard!

Penny: Oh, thank you very much. Come back soon. With the other half of my tip.

Penny: Okay, fine, it's soup and a small sandwich. Is that what you want?
Sheldon: Of course not. I'll have my usual.
Penny: Great.
Sheldon: Aren't you going to ask me if I want a beverage?
Penny: Don't you usually get lemonade?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Do you want lemonade?
Sheldon: Yes.

Sheldon: Yes, I want you to apologize to Leonard.
Penny: I am not going to apologize. I've done nothing wrong. He is completely overreacting.
Sheldon: Irrelevant. The disruption in your relationship is making my life intolerable.
Penny: Well, I'm sorry, Sheldon, but this really isn't about you.
Sheldon: I don't follow.

Sheldon: Were you under the impression that Leonard has no complaints about you?
Penny: Like what? Yeah, yeah, I see you, you're making a little check sign in the air, I got it, just hold your horses. What does Leonard complain about?
Sheldon: Your driving, the plethora of stuffed animals on your bed that stare at him during your amorous activities, your constant tardiness, your singing.
Penny: My singing?
Sheldon: That's actually from my list, but Leonard would be a fool if he didn't agree with it.
Penny: Okay, if Leonard has so many problems with me, why hasn't he just said so?
Sheldon: Because, according to him, you're oversensitive and have a temper.
Penny: Oh, really? Well, then, do me a favor and tell Leonard that he can drop dead!
Sheldon: And she wonders why she's constantly under-tipped.

Sheldon: Oh, good, you're home. I need you to do me a favor.
Leonard: Sure.
Sheldon: Go apologize to Penny.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Right now would be good.
Penny: (knocking) Leonard!
Sheldon: Although, a few minutes ago would have been better.

Penny: Sheldon! (whistles)
Leonard: What are you doing? He's not a lost dog.
Penny: Hey, why don't you just let me find him while you sit there hitting your imaginary brake?
Leonard: The brake might be imaginary, but that stop sign you just ran wasn't.
Penny: What stop sign?
Leonard: Eyes on the road. Eyes on the road!

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, answer the door! I'm busy!
Howard: I'm busy too. You answer it.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I can't! I'm on the toilet!
Howard: For God's sake, I don't need to hear that! Can't you just say, "I'm busy"?
Mrs. Wolowitz: I said I'm busy, but that wasn't good enough for you!
Howard: You know what? I hope it's one of those home invasion deals, and they shoot me in the head.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Well, if it's a home invader, don't tell them I'm on the toilet!

Leonard: I'm not leaving until you talk to me.
Penny: All right, what's going on?
Leonard: It's a little hard to explain. He does this thing where he pretends he's in an alternate dimension that occupies the same physical space we're in, but he can't perceive us.
Sheldon: Don't flatter yourself. I'm just ignoring you.

Penny: Come on, Sheldon, let's go home. Look, we're done fighting.
Sheldon: I've heard that before, but then, the next thing you know I'm hiding in my bedroom, blaring a Richard Feinman lecture while my mom is shouting that Jesus would forgive her if she put ground glass in my dad's meatloaf, and my dad's on the roof skeet-shooting her Franklin Mint collectible plates.
Penny: Okay, there's going to no more shouting and no skeet-shooting.

Penny: You know, how about we buy you this robot, and then we all go home?
Sheldon: I want that one.
Penny: Okay, you can have that one.
Leonard: Oh, come on, he's just going to play with it twice, and then it'll end up in his closet with all the other junk.
Penny: Buy him the robot, Leonard.
Sheldon: Can I get this comic book, too?
Penny: Yes, you can.

Howard: Maybe that's what this whole thing's about. You're not mad at me, you're mad at yourself.
Raj: No, I'm mad at you. I hate myself, but I'm mad at you.