Raj: What's that?
Howard: Sounds like a cricket.
Sheldon: Hang on. Based on the number of chirps per minute and the ambient temperature in this room, it is a snowy tree cricket.
Howard: Oh, give me a frickin' break. How could you possibly know that?
Sheldon: In 1890, Emile Dolbear determined that there was a fixed relationship between the number of chirps per minute of the snowy tree cricket and the ambient temperature. A precise relationship that is not present with ordinary field crickets.
Raj: How do you know what the exact temperature of the room is?
Sheldon: Under the terms of my roommate agreement with Leonard, I've had unilateral control of the thermostat ever since the sweaty night of '06.

Penny: What did you tell them?
Leonard: Nothing bad, just that last night was fine.
Penny: Fine? You said it was fine?
Leonard: Yeah, it's a perfectly good word. You put it in front of wine or dining, and you've really got something.

Howard: Okay, you were right about Wolverine and bone claws, but you're wrong about the cricket.
Sheldon: Howard, don't embarrass yourself, the science chirps for itself. Humorous word play.

Raj: These methods of meditation come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me overcome my own fears.
Sheldon: And yet, you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to it I am able to stay in the same room with them without urinating.

Sheldon: People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor. Follow me. If the children can’t run, leave them behind. Oh, the simulated horror!

Sheldon: And now, as promised, the tangent. "Sheldon and the Hell Hound", or "How I Lost My Hot Dogs".

Penny: He's such an angel when he's asleep.
Leonard: Yeah. Shame he has to wake up.
Penny: I think we can do it.
Leonard: Smother Sheldon in his sleep? Wouldn't that be wrong?

Penny: Is there anything else?
Leonard: Yeah, don't let Goofy near him. He'll have nightmares and I'll have to deal with it.
Penny: What's the problem with Goofy?
Leonard: Wish I knew. He's fine with Pluto.

Raj: Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm?
Howard: Well, that's it. We're officially out of things to talk about.

Leonard: Oh, just come in!
Sheldon: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
Leonard: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Maybe this isn't a good time.
Leonard: Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you.
Sheldon: Do you really think death threats are an appropriate way to begin this conversation? Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.

Penny: All right. So, what's new in your life?
Sheldon: Well, my new shoes are not made for running.
Penny: Have you been running?
Sheldon: No. It's just a suspicion I have.

Sheldon: I got lost.
Leonard: How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS.
Sheldon: Satellites are down. Solar flares.
Raj: There are no solar flares right now.
Sheldon: Yes, there are.
Raj: Dude, I'm an astrophysicist. If there were solar flares, I'd be all up in it.

Penny: Ooh, I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.
Sheldon: Oh, Lord, I'm in Jewish hell.

Sheldon: Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Penny: I'm so glad you like it.
Sheldon: I do. Leonard never cooks for me.
Penny: Well, maybe that's 'cause Leonard can't cook.
Sheldon: You can't cook and you made me this.

Howard: So what, you're just gonna walk up and down the stairs?
Sheldon: No, of course not. That would be odd and suspicious behavior.