Penny: Well, then why don't you come over next Saturday and watch the game with us?
Leonard: Another football game?
Penny: They have them every week.
Leonard: Did not know that.
Leonard: Sure, sure, just I don't know much about football.
Penny: Oh, that's okay. A lot of the guys' girlfriends don't know football. They just kind of drink and talk in the kitchen.
Leonard: Great.

Leonard: Now, what is this sacks statistic they put up there?
Howard: All I know about Saks is, my mother shops there.
Leonard: (Thumbing through a guide book) Sacks, sacks
Sheldon: It's football nomenclature for when a quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage.
Leonard: Huh. (Searching the book again) Scrimmage
Sheldon: The line of scrimmage is the imaginary transverse line separating the offense from the defense.

Sheldon: If you're interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken.

Penny: Leonard, look, if you want to meet my friends, that would be great. I just, you know, I didn't want you to be bored.
Leonard: I wouldn't be bored. Why would I be bored?
Penny: Well, 'cause they're not genius scientists.
Leonard: Penny, I like all sorts of people. In fact, some of my best friends aren't geniuses.
Penny: Like who?
Leonard: Okay, some of my Facebook friends aren't geniuses.

Leonard: Oh, hey, on a related subject, are you embarrassed to have me around your friends?
Penny: Oh, my god, no. Why would you ask that?
Leonard: Well, you know, I just noticed I haven't really met any of them.
Penny: Sure you have.
Leonard: Well, yeah, no, I met the huge ex-boyfriend and the smaller, yet still larger than me, ex-boyfriend.

Leonard: So, Penny doesn't want me around her friends. I embarrass her. What else could it be?
Sheldon: Well, her actions could be out of concern for your feelings. Perhaps she's excluded you from these gatherings because she's scouting for a new mate and doesn't want to do it in front of you.
Leonard: Oh, how kind of her.
Sheldon: Agreed. Most primates don't show that sort of discretion. A female bonobo will copulate with a new male in front of the old one without so much as a how do you do.

Penny: Hey, guys. What you doing? Going out to discover electricity?
Sheldon: If you're referring to the work of Benjamin Franklin, he did not discover electricity, he merely used a kite to determine that lightning consists of electricity. He also invented the Franklin stove, bifocals and the flexible urinary catheter. Kites, ho.

Penny: Oh, gee, sounds amazing, but, um, I've got some friends coming over. Not a big thing, we're just gonna watch the Nebraska game.
Leonard: Oh. Football, sure.
Howard: Good guess.

Leonard: Well, this sucks.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I got bored and drifted off. Where exactly in the interaction did the sucking lie?
Raj: Leonard just realized that Penny's been hiding him from her friends because he's a tiny, little man who flies kites.
Sheldon: Oh, that certainly would suck.

Sheldon: You know, using positive reinforcement techniques, I could train that behavior out of her in a week.
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: If you let me use negative reinforcement, I can get it done before we go to bed.
Leonard: You're not squirting her in the face with water.
Sheldon: No, of course not. Were talking very mild electric shocks. No tissue damage whatsoever.

Sheldon: Oh, come on, you can't tell me that you're not intrigued about the possibility of building a better girlfriend.
Leonard: I'm not. And Penny's qualities, both good and bad, are what make her who she is.
Sheldon: You mean, like that high-pitched, irritating laugh?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon You wouldn't prefer a throaty chuckle?
Leonard: You're not changing how Penny laughs.
Sheldon: No, that would be incongruous, I was going to lower the whole voice to a more pleasing register.

Raj: Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap sex with a strange girl you met in a bar?
Howard: Uh, yeah!
Raj: What is your mother going to say?
Howard: She's not going to see it. She takes my temperature orally now.

Sheldon: Well, I'm going to make some warm milk and then turn in. I trust if you two are planning in engaging in amorous activities, you'll keep the decibel level to a minimum.

Sheldon: There's just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren't happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose.
Leonard: No, this has to stop now.
Sheldon: I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the Bazinga! was implied.

Sheldon: I'm just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will.
Leonard: No, you're not sanding Penny.
Sheldon: Are you saying that I'm forbidden from applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol that will make our lives better?
Leonard: Yes, you're forbidden.
Sheldon: (Squirts Leonard with a water spray) Bad Leonard!