Sheldon: And so, instead of bowing to pressure, and going to that pointless soire, I stayed right here and did a load of whites.
Amy: (On webcam) Well, normally I respect your macho rebellious attitude toward The Man, but, in this case, I think you'vee made a foolish mistake.

Leonard: On the bright side, I don't think President Siebert will be making us go to any more fund-raisers.
Howard: It was so much easier at my bar mitzvah. The old people just came up to you, pinched your cheek and handed you a savings bond.
Raj: Oh, don't be such gloomy gusses. Look at the size of these shrimp! At what point do we start calling them lobsters?

Leonard: Face it, Raj, we crashed and burned tonight.
Mrs. Latham: Oh, you didn't do that badly.
Leonard: Mrs. Latham, the first machine I turn on in the morning is the helium-neon laser, 'cause it needs to warm up.
Mrs. Latham:: I no longer care, dear.

Mrs. Latham: I no longer care, dear. But don't worry, I really enjoyed meeting you this evening.
Leonard: You're kidding. That was good for you? 'cause I was sweating through my T-shirt.
Mrs. Latham: Excellent! There's nothing I like better than making smart people feel ill at ease.
Leonard: Why?
Mrs. Latham: Oh, I don't know, it's one of the fun things you get to do when you have lots of money. Watch. (To Raj) Hey! Who said you could eat that shrimp? See? Fun.

Sheldon: No, no, no, I'm just here for your money. I don't want to shake anyone's germy hands. Explain it to them, Siebert.

Sheldon: I must confess I don't understand you, President Siebert. First you say you want me to appear at your fund-raisers, but now you say you never want me to go anywhere near your fund-raisers. Forgive me, but that sounds like a mixed message. Here we go again. If there's simply no talking to me, why did you call? I'm sorry, someone's on the other line. Why don't you see if you can organize your thoughts, and we'll try again later.

Sheldon: Cooper-Hofstadter residence. Go for Cooper. Good morning, Mrs. Latham. Well, yes, of course I remember you. A woman well past her prime seeking to augment her social status by doling out her late husband's ill-gotten gains.
So, how much money are you going to give me? I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested. Well, if you're not going to give me money, then why are you calling? She wants to talk to you. Who's crazy now?

Sheldon: Okay, I see what's happening.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: My stature intimidates her, so she's using you to get to me. Crafty old gal.
Leonard: Excuse me, but you are not the only distinguished scientist in this apartment. I've been published in peer-reviewed journals, I received a Dissertation of the Year award for experimental particle physics.
Sheldon: No, that can't be it.

Howard: Hey. How was dinner?
Leonard: Swell. I need a drink. Do we have any alcohol?
Sheldon: No. But we have potatoes, I could make you vodka. It'll take two weeks.

Leonard: Well, Mrs. Latham said she was seriously considering donating money so we could get a cryogenic centrifugal pump.
Sheldon: Oh, wow!
Howard: Yes!
Leonard: Then she stuck her tongue down my throat.
Sheldon: Why?
Penny: Okay, we can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we got you.

Howard: Are you telling us that old lady wanted to have sex with you in exchange for giving your department millions of dollars?
Leonard: I think so.
Howard: You lucky duck.
Penny: You're really a broken toy, aren't you?

Penny: What was all that about me trading sexual favors for material gain?
Sheldon: It was a compliment. I believe in giving credit where credit is due.

Leonard: I am not going to have sex with her.
Sheldon: Maybe this will overcome your reluctance. I went on the Internet and found a photograph of a 25-year-old Mrs. Latham to get your libido humming. Check out those saddle shoes. Rar!

Sheldon: I'm so proud of you! You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker!
Leonard: No, I didn't do it for the money.
Sheldon: She stiffed you?
Penny: I believe that's what your roommate did to her.
Sheldon: What?
Penny: Again, read the book we gave you.

Howard: Big fight with my mother.
Leonard: Still arguing over which CSI is the best?
Howard: No, we agreed they all have their merits. This was about Bernadette.