Penny: Okay. Uh, no, the shipment has not arrived, and I really need those shoes. They are my biggest seller. Yes, ladies sizes six through ten. Thank you. Oh, sorry, I have to go, I have a customer. Bye-bye. Hi. Can I help you?
Sheldon: I'd like a frozen yogurt, please.
Penny: Yogurt?
Sheldon: Yeah.
Penny: Um, okay, sure. Luckily, we sell both shoes and yogurt here.
Sheldon: You do?
Penny: Yes. Look up at the sign. And remember, improv is always about saying yes.
Sheldon: All right. Yes. I see a sign. It says Camarillo State Mental Hospital.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: It's the only explanation I can come up with for why you think you sell shoes and yogurt.

Penny: What would you rather do as a scene study?
Sheldon: I'm glad you asked. I took the liberty of adapting a Star Trek fan fiction novella I wrote when I was ten into a one-act play.
Penny: And you think it's better than Tennessee Williams?
Sheldon: Why don't we leave that for future generations to decide?

Penny: "Where No Sheldon Has Gone Before."
Sheldon: It's the story of a young boy who is transported from the ignorant backwoods of East Texas to the 23rd Century, where his genius is not only appreciated, but celebrated.
Penny: KMN.

Penny: Okay, the whole point of this is to loosen you up a little, so I'm thinking you'll play the role of your mother, and I will bring life to Mr. Spock.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. You'll be Spock?
Penny: It's only logical.

Sheldon: Very well. I'll set the scene.
Penny: All right.
Sheldon: East Texas. A warm summer night. A woman, Mary, stands on a porch. In the distance, we hear a lonesome train whistle. Woo-woo. The droning buzz of cicadas. Zzzzzzzzz. A coyote howls at the moon, frightening sensitive young boys everywhere. Ow-ow-ow! Out in the woods, an owl screeches.
Penny: Okay, okay. We get it. You set the scene.
Sheldon: Hoot!

Penny: Now just read your mother's line.
Sheldon: Shelly! Shelly, how many times have I told you not to leave your sciencey stuff out on the porch? Goodness, I'll never understand that boy. But then again, I'm a religious nut, and my mind is closed to so many things.
Penny: Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. Spock to Enterprise. Transport successful.
Sheldon: Glory be to Heaven, some sort of creature just manifested out of thin air. George, put down that Pepsi can full of bourbon that ain't foolin' no one, and get your shotgun!

Sheldon: Oh, Shelly? A man's here to take you away to the future. Be sure to pack clean underwear.
Penny: That's good. That's good. That's good.
Sheldon: Mommy, why are you crying? 'cause I'm gonna miss you, Shelly-bean, even though you creep the bejeezus out of me.
Penny: Okay, I guess we're improvising now.
Sheldon: Well I'm sorry. It's not my fault. I'm just incredibly smart, and everyone around here is dumber than a bag of rocks. Oh, now, don’t you start crying. You get in that spaceship. Mommy's late for Indian bingo.

Penny: Oh, Howard, I can't believe Bernadette let you go to a fancy party wearing a dickey.
Howard: Excuse me, my girlfriend doesn't pick out my clothes. My mother does.

Raj: Nice place. Reminds me of my parents' house back in New Delhi.
Howard: You're kidding.
Raj: No. We are very wealthy. But the only difference is, we have more servants.
Leonard: More than this?
Raj: More than we can use. You see, in India, we don't make the mistake of letting our poor people have dreams.

Sheldon: Penny, you're an expert on trading sexual favors for material gain, walk him through this.

Leonard: What's this?
Sheldon: Just a few things you may need tonight. There's baby oil, condoms, and a little something I procured from the school of pharmacology. They say it is to Viagra as Viagra is to a green M&M.

Raj: Here's what I wonder about zombies. What happens if they can't get any human flesh to eat? They can't starve to death, they're already dead.
Howard: You take this one. I spent an hour last night on how do vampires shave when they can't see themselves in the mirror?
Sheldon: Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other. Case closed.

Raj: Yeah, okay, so, zombies.
Leonard: I guess it depends on the zombies, Raj. Are we talking slow zombies, fast zombies? Like, in 28 Days, if those zombies didn't eat, they starved.
Howard: You're thinking of 28 Days Later. 28 Days is where Sandra Bullock goes to rehab and puts the audience into an un-dead state
Raj: Hey, don't bag on Sandra Bullock! You think it makes you look cultured, but you just come off as bitter.

President Siebert: So, listen, fellas, who's up for a little party this Saturday night? Open bar, good eats, might even be a few pretty girls.
Raj: Sounds great!
Howard: I'm in!
Sheldon: Hold on. Just because the nice man is offering you candy, doesn't mean you should jump into his windowless van. What's the occasion?
President Siebert: Just a little fund-raiser for the university.
Sheldon: Aha! The tear-stained air mattress in the back of the van.

Leonard: Are you sure this is right?
Penny: Yeah, just tuck that part in your pants; you'll be fine.
Howard: Okay, let's go smooch some rich, wrinkled tuckus.