Penny: Okay, just to be clear. You are asking me for help because I know something that the brilliant Dr. Sheldon Cooper doesn't.
Sheldon: I suppose that's one way to look at it.
Penny: I think it's the only way to look at it.

Leonard: I found another tweet from a student at Sheldon's lecture. Dr. Cooper has taken a relatively boring subject and managed to make it completely insufferable. Plus, he looks like a giant insect.

Howard: Look. Listen to this one. Does Einstein's theory explain why time flies when you're having fun, but when you're listening to Dr. Cooper, it falls out of the sky, dead?

Penny: Hey, Leonard, is your wi-fi down? I can't get on.
Leonard: Oh, Sheldon changed the password. It's now Penny is a freeloader. No spaces.

Sheldon: Good evening, Leonard, Howard, Raj, freeloader.
Howard: So, how'd the lecture go?
Sheldon: In a word, triumphant.
Leonard: Really? Triumphant?
Sheldon: Oh, yes, you should have seen those young people. Thirsty for knowledge, drinking in my wisdom. I may have changed a few lives today.

Sheldon: Oh, tweets about my lecture. Hmm. That's rather unfair. That's downright cruel. Plus, insects have six legs. Yeah, I'm not familiar with the acronym KMN.
Leonard: Oh, uh, from the context, we think it means kill me now.

Raj: And just for the record, labradoodles are hypo-allergenic, which is a very sexy quality to those troubled by animal dander.

Amy: Have you considered improving your socialization skills, thus allowing you to communicate more effectively with other people?
Sheldon: Isn't that their burden? I'm the one with something interesting to say.

Amy: Perhaps you should consider taking acting lessons.
Sheldon: Acting lessons. Interesting. It might help if I could act as though I care about my students and whether or not they learn.

Penny: What?
Sheldon: You're an (air quotes) actress, correct?
Penny: I'm not an (air quotes)actress. I'm an actress.
Sheldon: All right. You're an actress. I need you to teach me.
Penny: You want an acting lesson?
Sheldon: Perhaps two. I'd like to master the craft.

Penny: Okay, where is this coming from?
Sheldon: It has been suggested to me that acting techniques could improve my lecturing, at which, if certain tweets and blogs are to be believed, I suck the big one.
Penny: Yeah, I saw those. They were funny. I printed a few out and put 'em on my fridge.

Sheldon: So, when could we start?
Penny: Okay, just to be clear. You are asking me for help because I know something that the brilliant Dr. Sheldon Cooper doesn't.
Sheldon: I suppose that's one way to look at it.
Penny: I think it's the only way to look at it.
Sheldon: Are you going to help me or not?
Penny: Probably. I'm just enjoying the foreplay. Does this mean you are done mocking my acting career?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought making the transition from actor to acting teacher was the signal that one's career had reached the end of the road.

Penny: You were acting?
Sheldon: Yes. In preparation for today's studies, I read Stanislavski's An Actor Prepares, Stella Adler's The Technique of Acting, Uta Hagen's Respect for Acting, and Henry Winkler's Ey!, I'm an Actor.

Sheldon: How shall we begin?
Penny: Well, I thought we'd start with some basic movement exercises. You know, get our bodies warmed up a little.
Sheldon: All right.
Penny: So I just want you to relax and kind of move around in the space. You know, just do whatever feels natural. Sheldon?
Sheldon: (standing still) You said to do whatever feels natural. This feels natural. Certainly more natural than what you're doing.
Penny: Come on, you got to work with me. We need to get connected with our bodies.
Sheldon: Penny, my body and I have a relationship that works best when we maintain a cool, wary distance from each other.

Penny: Okay. Uh, no, the shipment has not arrived, and I really need those shoes. They are my biggest seller. Yes, ladies sizes six through ten. Thank you. Oh, sorry, I have to go, I have a customer. Bye-bye. Hi. Can I help you?
Sheldon: I'd like a frozen yogurt, please.
Penny: Yogurt?
Sheldon: Yeah.
Penny: Um, okay, sure. Luckily, we sell both shoes and yogurt here.
Sheldon: You do?
Penny: Yes. Look up at the sign. And remember, improv is always about saying yes.
Sheldon: All right. Yes. I see a sign. It says Camarillo State Mental Hospital.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: It's the only explanation I can come up with for why you think you sell shoes and yogurt.