Howard: How about that? After all these years, your big bad high school bully finally apologizes.
Leonard: Yeah. It kind of rekindles your faith in the basic goodness of people.
Sheldon: You know what would be nice?
Raj: Whats that?
Sheldon: As a symbolic gesture to all the bullies who've tormented us for years, we open our home to Jimmy and once he's asleep, we kill him. ... I said it would be nice, I didn't say we should do it.

Penny: Ah, I feel just like Mother Teresa. Except for the virgin part. That ship sailed a long time ago.
Bernadette: I think Mother Teresa would have washed the clothes first.
Penny: Yeah, well, I bet her laundry room wasn't down five flights of stairs. You know, giving really is better than receiving. I used to think it was such a cliché, but it seems to be the… oh, look at these cute jeans someone just threw away.
Bernadette: Donated.
Penny: Yes, to a poor waitress who loves a boot cut.

Sheldon: The Dark Knight has your back. He's scared, but he has your back.

Penny: Wait, wait, wait, guys, just hang on.
Amy: What is it, the fuzz?
Penny: Look at us. What are we doing?
Amy: I was gleefully following you to a life of crime, looking forward to the day we might be cell mates. I don’t know about Bernadette.

Penny: You know, this is wrong. Let's put everything back. Here.
Bernadette (taking boots and running): It's okay, I serve soup to poor people!

Howard: Look, I made Sheldon disappear. Ta-da.
Leonard: Next time, you should lead with that.

Penny: Ooh, look who's out on a date. Pasadena's favorite power couple, Shamy.
Sheldon: And that is the answer to the question, what is wrong with eating at The Cheesecake Factory.

Penny: Sheldon, what is wrong with you?
Sheldon: Not much. Although, I can be faulted for being overly fond of koala bears. I don't know what it is, but when they start munching on eucalyptus, I just melt inside.

Leonard: Buy her something.
Sheldon: How does that work?
Leonard: Well, you skip over any attempt to repair your emotional connection and you win back her affection with an empty financial gesture.
Sheldon: Well, that approach has Sheldon Cooper written all over it.

Howard: But don't you think it will be different when the child is ours?
Bernadette: Right, when it's our kid that has ruined my body, and kept me up all night, and I've got no career and no future, and nothing to be happy about for the next twenty years. Sure, that'll be completely different.
Howard: Well, yeah.

Shop Assistant: Are we looking for anything special? Perhaps a ring for the lady?
Penny: (Snorts) Trust me, we are not a couple.
Sheldon: Excuse me. I don't see why you get to snort derisively and point that out. You'd be lucky to land a fella like me.
Penny: Fine, go ahead.
Sheldon: (Snorts) Trust me, we are not a couple.

Howard: Maybe me and Bernadette aren't right for each other.
Leonard: Look, Howard, I'd say there's a lot of fish in the sea, but I watched you dangle your hook in the water for years. Do not throw her back.

Howard: Completely empty box. If you'd like to examine it?
Leonard: Mm-hmm. Yep. I see nothing in this box but a wasted childhood.
Howard: Little snarky there, cello lessons.

Howard: And we have this completely ordinary cylinder. If you'd like to examine it?
Raj: Ordinary, yet I sense it is dripping with magical potential.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord. A man pops out for a moment to evacuate his bowels and catch up on the adventures of the Caped Crusader, only to emerge and discover his apartment has been transformed into a cabaret.

Raj: I'm telling you, dude, there's a seat on the Hogwarts Express with your name on it.